Very Important Theory

Sooo...Times when I miss having a man in my life.

1. Standing in some godforsaken part of Delhi, not knowing directions, having sent the driver home, eternal school buddy being busy and with every other girl getting dropped home by her boyfriend. Hmmm. Yes I do take the cab but still ok.

2. At some crowded party when everyone is holding hands just to show they are together.

3. In this dreaded cold Delhi weather.

4. When I plan of my vacations alone, and ponder on some decent person to take along, which usually excludes people I already know. No not because they aren't decent, we are too different!

5. Girlfriends telling me sappy boyfriend stories, which happens like once in a blue moon because no one I know has the type of man I want.

6. Sometimes

Okaaayyy...since we are done with that. It looks even better than I thought, only 6 points. So why is it so damn important to BE WITH SOMEONE? I'm sick of people giving me tripe of how there's some serious flaw in my life because I don't get my panties in a twist over my single status, or try the available avenues to get laid. Over here we most definitely should insert my theory of how everyone keeps jumping on about wanting and needing sex mostly because society pushes them to think so. What man? You don't think of getting laid all the time! How come.

I realize that anything half logical/matured from a woman's mouth classifies her as a bra-burning feminist, but I don't recall a time when I've been more relaxed with my place in the world. This is not some lameass oh how cool it is to be single I hate relationships type of point. But lately, it gets on my nerves.. everyone's preoccupation and concern with my 'colourless' life. But since this phase started, I don't waste my time talking on the phone, or meeting someone who stays so far away that I spend half my time traveling, I don't have to force my friends to get along with someone or worse make separate plans, I have a real hobby now and am sticking to it, I only think of myself and am super happy even though I pretty much know how the next year is going to space out. Maybe predictability is what I needed after all the madness in life.
Actually I'm not happy, I'm calm. Very calm. And nowadays I never think about anything, It's like I'm driving with no directions. It would be confusing to actually drive that way, but living like this kicks ass.
Uh I want to say a lot more man, but now it's 2 am and I will wake up at 7. Shit shit.

Relief smells like the sea

Bhagwaan tera lakh lakh shukar hai! Just to remember this date that should teach me to be nice and understanding towards every struggler in every field. Amen.

Ditcher

I've lost count of the number of people I've ditched in my life. It's not something that I do on purpose, but most times, the fact that I won't be able to show up dawns on me late. And I ditched Shantanu a lott. Before he left Delhi, while he was in Delhi, after I reached Bombay. It just happened. Or maybe I didn't put in enough effort, as always. We just joked about it all the time. My shopping, his alcohol dependency. That's what really took him in the end.

Everyone used to tell me how I'll have a certain stillness in my life after my needless rebellion. Which obviously made no sense to any of us, so we stayed awake for 40 hours straight, drank even bong water (once!), experimented, because we are here now, and we won't be at the same place again. Many of us have come out of the madness and made normal lives out of it, but some of them had to pay. Just for the carelessness and not loving our bodies enough. It's not that his death has taught me these things, but knowing someone who dies because of sheer carelessness and of how immature we all really are, is cementing all that I've come to understand lately.

Do I love life more now? No idea. Do I love my friends more? Well I always did, but this surely made me call my namesake brother who also drinks like a fish. He does it because he's bored, and for a girl who left him. It's funny. Maybe tomorrow he'll meet someone he loves even more, and he'd want to live for that. But his immunity will shortchange him. It scares me.

All that we do to ourselves in a million impulses, are we really equipped to handle it when it matures into something else. So many things to be sure of in life...it's madness. I don't know which idiot called it a journey of discovery.

I also don't get people who hoard hospitals in times like these to show solidarity. Sure man. But did you even know this person? What's the point of calling all and sundry announcing things in a singalong voice and then taking space from people who really need to heal, because you want to stand up to your idea of being a good person. God, so many years, and basic things are so rare.

All about kites

I just posted something quite insulting about The Kite Runner on Facebook. Apparently it hurt someone so deeply that he started screaming about how I should read the novel properly and how my pain is my pain?

I didn't get the Kite Runner, mostly because I can't understand or connect with characters that are morally weak, in other words, have no balls. No one thinks of how most books, movies revolve around repulsive people who I would ordinarily loathe to hang out with in real life. Most of these retards are self-obsessed, insensitive, completely moronic and usually, authors will waste 500 pages on their journey of becoming a normal person. In Kite Runner's case, a normal person who starts to stand up for his friends and his honor, do things for his family etc. I don't get it. You waste your entire friggin life being an asshole, even watching your friend/servant/whatever getting raped, making fun of people with less fortunate backgrounds..basically be a prized prick.

Suddenly at the age of 40, you are forced into redeeming circumstances by another man's scheming outlines, whereby you do something that speaks integrity even though you never wanted to get into that scene from the first place, and I'm supposed to weep for you and clap about what a wonderful man you are now? How you have FINALLY lived up to your purpose in life, be a good person. Such bullshit!

Sad part of life is that mostly, these kind of people are the ones who occupy prime roles everywhere. And the ones who do the right thing and don't make a big drama of it are relegated to the confines of minor roles in the bigger picture. I'm not some crazy extremist who talks of moral standards, but basic things, customs that religion doesn't teach you. If you don't follow your instincts in a situation, then you suck as a person.

Obviously I'm quite a girl and emotional at that too, so when I read this book years back, it made me cry. Mostly because of the way Hosseini captured the thawing of the distance between the father and son. Anyway, the moment you can relate a book or movie to your life, it gets you too mush to view it objectively. But now that I read it years later, have no idea how I didn't grasp how pathetic the main character was before. And we are supposed to appreciate this journey of a man with no balls.

I read/watch these kind of inept characters and wonder where is the justice in this world!
I saw some episode of that lameass Salman Khan show where Katrina Kaif was a guest, and is about to gamble playing some question in which she can lose money if she gets it wrong. When she's asked to play safe since the money will be for charity, she's like oh I need to call my director and ask him if he'll send in the money in case I lose here so that I can pay for the charity. Because I'm promoting his movie and no I won't pay from my own pocket. WTF!
I don't know what kind of a fucked up world this is that you can say something so bitchy on national tv and men who haven't sex in weeks will still make you the most searched name on Google.

I remember these friends of mine went on a road trip from Pune to Jaipur and ran out of money on the way. They asked this coconut seller to help them with drink or food, getting all embarrassed about relating their story and were shocked to see when the man didn't hear another word and started slashing coconuts, giving it to them, waving off any more money talks and even shoving some in their hand. And that man had a cart with coconuts and an income of probably 100 bucks per day. And there are millions like him in this world, following their instincts, their gut so that they can sleep easy at night after doing things the best way they know. There are no movies made on them.

This is not to say that Katrina Kaif's braindead movies and slutty touch-me-touch-me dancing show money is more valued success than the assets of a coconut seller in Gujarat, but it makes my pet theory more believable for me.
It's a no brainer as to why I don't pray. If there really was someone up there, he/she has been consistently bad with keeping his part of the bargain. Hell they are worshiping me anyway, so why bother with actually doing something? The permutations & combinations, fairness, equity, financial distribution, simply everything in this world is screwed up like some malfunctioning sarkari office. It's amazing how everyone goes ballistic over an entity that hasn't been doing his job properly for as long as I can remember.

....

Just saw this ad where this man in a car with cufflinks and fancy shirt gets disgusted at the sight of a sweating young boy on a bicycle at a traffic signal. Yech yech don't get your sweat from the sun near my air-conditioned cocoon. The kid sees the disgust, gets embarrassed, straightens his clothes, looks neater, and smiles to rich uncle. Proclaims gaily that's its just a difference of 2 wheels that he'll make up in a few years. Who is making this bullcrap!

2009 Fuck you

You know what I really really hate. Whiners. I fucking hate whiners. And you know what I hate more than whiners, whiners who have nothing to whine about. And I also hate self-involved super sensitive people who love to discuss their problems, and whatever you tell them they always have a bigger and a more depressing incident to recount. Maybe it pisses me off more because I only crib to myself, or to the mirror and don't see the point of boring people with all that is wrong with my life. If you have any degree of common sense, you would know that no one really gives a shit and most people really want you to hurry up so that they can purge their sad events later. And I'm not talking of bad people, these are traits of nice normal healthy people who all of us know and meet everyday. So let's say that I've taken a lot of shit from my friends. And of every kind. Because even though I've had perennial issues with getting along with most, once I warm up to you, I feel guilty if I don't listen to you recount stories about heart-break over a guy you've met twice, or about how you've been partying four days straight but life is so complicated and difficult for you since you wanted to be a fashion designer after all. Now I may smirk inwards, or mentally pull my hair out, or hold back tears from my voice or my eyes from the phone because something way more serious and crushing happened to me 2 minutes back, I will still hear everything you say and try to cheer you up. There isn't even any reason for me not to tell you my shit, But I just can't! So I will proceed to hear your drone, give you advice, support, fake some smiley sound, and throw around pillows in frustration after that. Why do I do all this lame stuff. I'm so used to it that now the whole 'venting out' process makes me feel naked in front of someone else. I just can't open up like that. But this year has been particularly bad. No wait this year has stank and I know that it's going to get worse. But breaking my self-imposed silence is not going to happen, because few people have guilt issues like I do, or have the ability to make out when your friends need help. I don't know if I'm with the wrong people, I don't know what it is. But now I feel like making a check-list of all that has already gone wrong this year so that I earn the right to whine. Yes, in my world, you need to back up your misery as well.

1. Hmm. Something's that's never happened before which is best not mentioned here.
2. 17 years of education, and I flunked a paper for the first time
3. It's halfway down the year, and I'm still not gainfully employed.
4. I'm living at home. Everyone I know has extended life to cities with no parents.
5. I get constant calls from people I want to avoid who insist on recounting how much fun they all are having. It makes me sick
6. I've lost my camera. Have had it for 4 years now. Not just that, have been losing something or other that's vitally important every other week. Which is bizarre since I have photographic memory and this kind of stuff never happens with me.
7. Final semester, and all the fools in college have scored more than me. Even though I busted my ass and never cheated. I know it fucking makes me sound like a baby who never cheats in exams but I'm so fucking pissed right now that I don't give a shit about how I sound. All that stupid shit about hard work paying off is all bullshit, other things do the job very nicely. And it's crazy how this type who never worked to deserve those grades will proudly or modestly announce them to you. Either way, I have no respect you and it makes me want to curl up in bed for a week.
8. I'm secretly and slowly realizing that maybe I'm not as smart as I thought. THAT IS SCARY SHIT.

Hm. That's all I can remember right now. I hate this year, I hope it gets lost fast. Hopefully with less assholes who feel sorry for themselves calling me up as well. Man this year, if I can survive and help myself without going incognito, it'll be a miracle.

Do watch Revolutionary Road if you want to swim in the unhappiness that is life. Apart from the fact that leonardo dicaprio has to be the most endearing thing when he's crying, you just feel like dumping all your craziness and try being a good woman again, the movie really is about Kate Winslet. Or it's not about both of them at all, it's about the story, and the original book that I hope to catch on to soon.
It is definitely not cinematic brilliance, but I don't see how any young person stuck in the corporate mess cannot sink lower while watching this one. It's got everything we all talk about, Paris is the place to be, we will not be the ones to settle down in urban suburbia, planning for a house and kids, then a bigger house and kids. No we will travel and see the world, kids won't tie us down. Because of course, we tried alternate careers when we were younger, she even tried to be an actress. There were things we did to genuinely feel alive, and laughed at that guy who'll go to work at 8 am every morning and so complains of the noise we can't hear.
We all think endlessly of this dream because we all consider ourselves special. Different. Other than the rest, who will not lose themselves in the larger scheme of the world and keep idealism within touching distance. We had progressive political thought, had an opinion on everything, we will surely do something other than just be.
It's all fine till you have time. Because yes, it's on the cards we are going to break away and do something else. We will 'feel' what we are doing all over again. But it's all a lie, isn't it? Because most of us were born simply to forget that phase at one point. Or to really put it at the back-burner and refer to it in drunken conversations with college friends. Because none of us are fucking special. We all are alike, except with some minor changes, the Constitution drafters were not writing it all for nothing. Most accept it and move on, money is the best balm. But there are some who never stopped dreaming or planning for the big escape, it's so real that they can see it. And they can't make peace with the alternate reality. That's when you lose your mind. And those are ones who are freaky, psychotic, insane. That movie is fucking scary.

Boards Bored

Delhi is so boring in the summer. There's not much you can do. I've been quite vella trying to keep myself,e trying to join things I always wanted to but never could because I was stuck in th city of people with no cool interests Pune, so I call the Delhi Blue Pottery Trust thinking that it'll be quite a breeze because only repressed maniacs like me are into pottering around anyway and the usual Delhi junta will obviously have no patience with such a slow art, but that place has an unbelievable waiting of 6 months for weekend batch. So all of them must be working folks. That's so crazy that I started laughing and told the guy that maybe I should drop in and pay the entire fee and hopefully there'll be place in a week or so, he gave me some artistic speech of how money is not an issue because people are very serious about this anyway and so they'll call me. But if this is so popular, when I tell people about the pottery dream, they just laugh hysterically. I'm obviously in the company of extremely uncultured Punjabi people.

These days there's major renovation at my place so me and brother are sharing a room. up.I've come back after so long, it's quite weird to see his gigantic build (bad because I can't beat him to pulp anymore, a memory he doesn't recall at all now. ha ha) and how he's all grown up, keeps banging his drum sticks in the air to practice his music,listens to Sepulchra, is surgically attached to his phone, and thinks he can do IIT. Wow. Who are these new age kids?

I remember when I was his age, I was already cool because girls mature faster and all that. I was so busy thinking of that cute Bong senior in school and styling my hair and buying new clothes that I completely forgot about exams and anything serious. It didn't help that I took Commerce which I hated. But that time my mom's constant drill about study study, you'll ruin your life, all we have is education, what will you do after school irritated me enough to pick up books for an hour at max, after which I again chilled out in my head and started bouncing to Velvet Underground. And I always hated her for not seeing the point of my life, that I wanted to do much bigger things, that I didn't want my guitar and dance classes cancelled, that I can't function staring at books all day holed up in a room, and that I didn't want to live out the middle class dream of SRCC MBA and then flat by 25 at all.

Somehow I controlled my freespirit in time especially after I had no one to hang out with because simply everyone was studying for the Boards. Which was really good because you never know what a big deal Boards are in this country till you actually give them and screw them up. The day results were about to get out, everyone I knew was hopping mad, with me imagining getting stuck at some horrible college in Delhi where people won't know who Nirvana is and where I won't be able to live out my teenage dream of walking down college in tiny purple shorts, because hey that's how they do it in Sweet Valley High in California.

So miraculously, I didn't fail math and got through LSR and even though I didn't get through Stephens Eng because I didn't get that ridiculously high cut-off, which got me so pissed because no random kid from Modern or whatever could have read more books or wanted to do Eng lit more than I did, but then Indian education system is so fucking warped up that even to study Emma you have to be a nerd who topped in every subject. Though I was Scared shitless at being surrounded by girls all day but I still died in happiness at getting through the college and course I wanted, and then the college ranking made sure that mom didn't have any reason to scream or complain so I was happy that again I can read books, hang out with people of my type, smoke all day, waste time, get away from home etc etc.

Funny thing is even though I rebelled against the typical idea of education, now that I see my younger brother wasting his time all day, not studying, not taking 12th seriously at all since he's too busy planning his birthday bash and how to ask out this girl or that, I see myself turning into my mother! Nagging him to study and tell him jokingly of how he'll completely fuck up his chances in college. Bleh.How I hate being in this country sometimes. Why can't we guys just be the sort of civilization that rejoices at someone actually graduating?
But I know how depressed he's going to be when everyone around him is going to call excitedly with 90 percent and above, when relatives, aunties and everyone you haven't spoken to you in years will call you and stop you on the street to ask your marks, when parents will never let you forget how you did, how your dreams of having fun in a cool college will burst open. So I guess being in India, no matter what these bloody counselors, newspapers, school principals say about changing the education pattern and how something's got to be wrong if people are killing themselves over marks, literally too, but it's all bullshit because nothing will ever change because we'll never figure out a better way. Because these same people will step out and judge you on your marks and that will affect your job, college, everything. It sucks. But that' s life.

So I hope chota bhai kicks real ass. So that he can totally spoil himself for the next 3 years without anyone grudging him his happiness and the supreme right to waste time.

Indian elections: Be friends with terrorists = Get votes

I'm amazed by the Tamilian ego. More than that, the way everyone ignores all that is happening in the name of national integrity and protection of 'suffering' communities is nothing short of ridiculous.

How would anyone in the right mind think that Tamilians in Sri Lanka ought to be protected in the current scenario? Are they not themselves responsible for the situation they've brought in. It's all fine and dandy when you effectively put hold on a country's development and deny it global respect just because you chose to pack your bags and move to a foreign land and now you want a separate country out of it. Amongst politicial causes, the LTTE cause has been the most bizarre. If their logic is meant to be taken in spirit, then why just Sri Lanka, heaven knows that Tamilians, or rather South Indians have imprinted their presence on every place on the globe. So there should be separate Tamilian/Andhra/Keralite/Punjabi/Whatever country within the countries these people choose to settle in. No wonder these days you need to pause your normal existence to get a visa to countries like UK. Places like Britain, Australia, US are too strong to let these people get away with such absurdities. But Sri Lanka is nothing. A pacifist nation, with the nicest people imaginable, who have been harassed for decades in their own country by these fanatics.

People deny a sociological interpretation to such demands since it cuts into being racist or judgmental, but that is an important way of interpreting and understanding the course of such ridiculous political theories and demands. No one is unaware of the regional pride and attachment most people from the South attach to their respective States. Of course it's great that you think that North India has been denying your right to 'determine yourself' for so long that the only way you know how to fight out this discrimination is by wearing your origin on your sleeve, head, psyche, simply everywhere. You have a problem with Bollywood, hate 'India' and US is the place to be, hate North Indians and their ignorance of your culture, talk in local dialects when you are in the midst of people who don't understand a word of hat you say, and follow your State parties and politics like maniacs. Of course it's alright that you too don;t have any idea about the rest of the country, North East or West, or that Indian politics as a whole holds no meaning for you. Forget all that. We are so smart, and we have been ignored. It's ok if we hate you because you're judgmental of us, regardless of how we are judgmental of everyone else. These may seem like extremely racist observations, but 500 bucks for someone who can show me a majority that doesn't fit into this analysis. I think I ought to have the right to know as I've known way more South Indians than most people in the North, some of whom are great, wonderful, interesting individuals and friends. This is not about singling them out, but the way the larger behaviour points out to what Karunandhi said yesterday. There are demonstration in London that support the LTTE cause. People in TN are bursting crackers, that's how excited they are that Karunanidhi considers the biggest terrorist of them all, Prabhakaran, a personal friend. Yes, of course, our people are suffering. That's our land. You said it, you get my vote.

For all those who respect Sonia Gandhi, there should be questions in the event the Congress validates or supports what Karunanidhi has said. Which it has already done so in a vague manner so far by Kapil Sibal. Anything for power huh.

For all those who sympathize with the Tamil cause, they should start believing in the Taliban vision of Muslim domination as well as it's the same thing. How come Muslims who believe in that are terrorists and madmen and no one thinks of how Tamils have been getting away with murder just because one fine day they decided to mark out a plot of land in a foreign country as their own, and now they call it a struggle for freedom. Communities do NOT get their own space in sovereign territories, that is not the way this world has developed and I hope it won't do so in the future. There'll be nothing left of this world except bits and pieces if such things are propagated.

I'm glad the Sri Lankan army is finally not paying heed to these psuedo human rights proponents and going ahead with what they should have done years back. Maybe then less lives would have been lost today. I know that in the real scenario, it's only the hapless who gets harmed in these major political theories. Whether its a poor Sri Lankan farmer, An Army officer who dies away from his family, or a Tamil who lives his life peacefully, by chance in a territory that debates his presence in Sri Lanka.But these Tamil farmers and locals who are being used as human shields by LTTE men are the ones who protected these terrorists from the army for years. Their communication network and sympathy for the LTTE cause led to so many deaths in the local Sri Lankans as well as their armies. Why wasn't any Tamil or human rights activist concerned about the rising deaths caused due to their 'war of determination'. Excusing such crap by saying that human nature forces one to only fend for oneself and it's own people is not going to work anymore. If it's them today, it'll be you tomorrow. How I wish that these spurts of national identity that Tamils regularly suffer from had been dealt with by Sri Lanka the same way that Malaysia had done some time back. Encouraging frivolity has brought them here...but it looks like it's finally over.

More power to the people of Sri Lanka. I hope they progress the way they've always wanted once this nightmare is over.

How Dilli is only Khan Market

Correct me if I'm wrong but there seems to be no cool things happening in Delhi anymore.The invites I get on Facebook are so lame..masakalli parties at Ai, Gold Bazaar at F Bar. Wtf?! And then sods express shock over my disinterest in the whole clubbing culture. The majority still get tripped out over dolling up their female escorts and themselves in white shiny shoes and fancy dinner jackets, spend 1500 on a peg oF white rum and spend the entire evening pooh poohing over other's lifestyles and checking out the competition. How can this be fun? How can people 'unwind' in this way after what they term a 'hard day's work'? And please, for all those who have affinity towards these dingy rock type of places, I find these joints quite pathetic. It's only meant for people who never quite overgrew their college personalities. Like Toto's ...uff How I hate that place. There's no place to fucking move, they have the same playlist since forever, You have to keep standing on someone's head to get a table, it smells weird, and you see the same faces everytime you go there. And some new gora faces. It sucks.


....

Has anyone read this blog www.thedelhiwalla.blogspot.com? Oh god what a load of bullcrap it is. This guy thinks himself to be a traveling journalist and someone who has a world view on everything. Er yes... the only things I see on that blog are stories of his jaunts into Paharganj and Khan Market. And the way he describes Paharganj is quite hilarious.. as if that's the last remains of hippie culture this side of the country. The same people who would talk of wine and Sunday brunch as if they were born from the womb knowing these things have no peeves with having breakfast at some shady joint in that area, eating food made in clearly unhygienic conditions just because Lonely Planet and a lot of firangs tell them so. People talk about India's development and all that jazz, the goal will never be attainable until Indians develop a balanced view of themselves and their place in their world and shed their bloody white man complex.
I still have incidents where a shop owner will completely ignore me or Indians once a bunch of firangs enter the arena. Atithi devo bhavo my ass. I don't want to cheapen this argument by judging human value by how much they are economically worth, but let's just say that I will spend more in that store than those 2 dollar attired goras.

I veered towards another tangent altogether, but maybe some of you should check out this blog which is clearly written by a complicated individual who goes to Khan Market every week and thinks that having anything less than a Pajero is like a no-admit to that conclave of the rich. He also breaks down a person's look in terms of what costs how much, down to your boxers if you're only out to buy biscuits for your dog.

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Why doesn't anyone on my Phonebook use Twitter? I find it seriously cool!

The end

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh. What can I say at a time like this? Where exactly is this Khooni Darwaza in delhi? Is it true that you can scream your lungs out there and no one will be around to witness it. I need something like that right now. Place to scream it out, no one to ask questions. There is reason as to why I don't discuss my predicament with anyone else. Most people must be like, big deal dude, college got over. Why can't she get over it. But they didn't live life like I did. They didn't have a vision in front of them before they practically ran away from home, and met people and situations that helped me live that vision. You think that you could do so much, if only those barricades disappear. And I did all that. Lived life the way I imagined it 4 years back, from my room in Delhi blasting NIN. Now is a completely different situation.

Like before, the new plans haven't exactly worked out. I find myself in Delhi once again. No offense, I really love this city but it's so difficult for me to live here. There are so many reasons behind it and I always knew that it would be a challenge, now I'm living it out. The job scene is so horribly slow and non-productive, nothing in Bombay seems possible as of now. Looks like I'll have to make do with whatever I get over the next few months and slug it out for a year in this city. Of course graduating during recession should give me enough common sense to do away with long-term plans altogether, but so much shit still didn't stop from visualizing a way out of this in another year. Another year.

I think of the people I've left behind, and then I see how disattached I feel from my current life. To meet someone for an hour, you need to work out 2 hours around it. Everyone needs a concrete plan. Everyone just drinks. My mom tells me that Delhi life is different, forget your Pune freedom, here you have to watch out. My dad gets pissed if I get uncommunicative. He thinks I'm only concerned about my friends..he doesn't know the times when I vegged in my room for days and didn't speak to anyone. That was normal, I had made peace with my anti-social personality...now how will I undo all my work? Delhi is still the same....disconnected, chaotic, claustrophobic. My new-found low confidence doesn't let me appreciate anything or anyone. I deliberately exist without a number because I want to avoid 'are you back in town' calls. Anyways the only people worth knowing in this city have already left town.

It's hard to say good-bye. I always used to pride myself on never being home-sick, Now I get what it means. Though it's not a place I'm attached to, or the people...a part of both figure into the larger picture. It's who I become when I step onto a place. The energy and the optimism that makes sense, but no other place can invoke that spirit. How it feels to be me. And it doesn't matter if there aren't enough people to accept that.

Maybe things will change and Delhi will surprise me. For now, an era has ended. When I see pictures, I look so grown up. I can finally talk in terms of 'oh that happened 4 years back'. Haha. I was the only one who didn't cry when everyone was bawling their eyes out. Now that I'm home, I get misty-eyed eating dinner. The finality still evades me, that's why I cut my hair. I heard that women do that in defining moments in their life. Never had the balls to do that before, so I guess now I'm so comfortable in my skin that it makes perfect sense to ignore everyone's advice and go ahead with it. Slowly and subtly, things around me are undergoing change. My initial acceptance is mechanical, I do wait for the time when it wouldn't feel I stepped in someone else's house and look for gates to get out of it...

nu year

i really don't get this hoo-haa over new year's eve. what exacty is the big deal about a stupid year getting over, why does everyone has to fal over oneself to decide on the best possible plan to bring it in? I really got fried this time thinking of a paln sinmply because I wanted to curl up in bed on the 31st and no one would let me do that! so i did something entirely low-key...after 4 years, i actually went to delhi. Was in such a daze in the flight..since when have i started doing such things. but it was pretty much what i wanted..eat mummys food, order my brother around, talk to my dad about clothes and not venture out of the house. I'm fucking glad this bitch of a year is over, absolutely nothing good came out of it. i started to think of depressing, life-altering things a lot more, did a lot more drugs, my best friends moved out, didn't meet anyone interesting and had horrible money management. Also i stayed put in pune kidding myself that i gotta be there to attend college, which i never did due to which i didn't travel anywhere. discounting hampi that is. And i also had to send my dog away...it sucked ass.

so it was obvious that I was hoping that 2009 will sweep me off my feet with lots of cool ground-breaking stuff. when things start to get fucked, you get superstitious. You're human. and so far, it's getting worse. I still haven't got a job, every cheesedick i meet, even the ones who never read a newspaper in their life is giving me worthless gyaan on how the 'markets' are so bad that i should just quit the chase. today i got my marksheet and flunked a paper for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE. fucking unbelievable. then this another horrible thing has happened which i cannot put on to this stupid blog. i'm so disillusioned that i've started drinking. So still haven't got out of my drunken haze to start working and planning on all the things I need to take care of, like studying for my interviews and blanking out on unnecessary people I anyways never needed in my life. Maybe I should also get less egoistical about relationships and not want things simply when they get out of my reach. People talk about men getting involved in the chase and the losing interest, I've been doing that forever now. And not it's finally started to affect me. And it's all happening together. Aaaaaaaaaahhhh. And some more

Even though I haven't met a half decent man since I was 14, I have finally hit across a best girlfriend and I really thank god for that. There's really nothing better than getting drunk with your best friend and going over and over about the same thing and nit-picking on the same points hoping to get a fresher perspective on it by 4 am. Since the loser doesn't smoke, I have to drink to converse with her on the same level. The things I do for her hmm...

Now am in bombay taking a break from the hell that is pune, but am already thinking of going back on monday when i have to stop thinking of all that is going wrong, get focussed, get totally clean, and handle it all till I get placed. Then I shall sleep on a beach, thank god, pinch myself that it's finally over and I've come through it, get stoned ot of my mind, not remember these last 6 months, not think about the next 4 years, not think of how my life will completely change, and remind myself that I was always a strong girl. This is all so tough. But I'll fucking do it.

Amma

I just came back from meeting my extended family for Diwali. We really have such a clean scene, no one drinking or playing cards. If I compare these people to everyone I know in Delhi, they seem like from another planet. It's become intrinsic to lose a lot of money on Diwali via gambling, apparently the more you lose, the more you gain back by Lakshmi luck. Yeah. Right. But festivals are for everyone I guess. I know of plenty of people who'll get deathly bored at my house. Playing cards on Diwali is so 'required' of everyone, I see ashen faces everytime I confess ignorance and deep disinterest in the whole activity. What?? You won't play? WHY Come we'll teach you. I figure I have enough vices to last me for some time, no need to add to the package.
My grandmom has become unrecognizable. She used to be fat like all old women and be so embarrassed of it. Now the skin on her arms is stretched out and hangs, as if there's nothing inside her to support that many layers. I held them up and saw deep scratches on them, from mosquitoes or boredom I don't know, but she knew she was hurting herself and she didn't remember the reason. It's so lifeless to feel her arms, her face. Is there even a person inside that shapeless clothing? She's not aware of anything around her, and everyone pretends as if she doesn't exist. The basic things that are required to make her live through the day are taken care of, but no one really knows what to do beyond that. I don't blame anyone, I know my chacha has done things few sons could even think of. Even if he complains all day over it, he'd be inhuman if he didn't. What can you do with someone who talks in her voice from childhood from the last 4 years. She wails all day, she forgets what I told her 2 minutes back. She once didn't remember her sons. But if you sit with her, you won't feel it. It's close to going back to when I was 3, she tells me fabricated stories about people and places, confusing incidents and histories along the way. She'll make up conversations that never took place and give dialogues befitting her opinion of that person. So if I hear that she met someone yesterday who asked her about my marriage plans or how long will I rot in Pune, I know she thinks it's high time I come back. Patience is easy when you meet someone for five hours. I would be a different person if I had to live in that house. Old age is the most horrible disease. There are many who enjoy and live through it peacefully, and most of them have the perfect partners. Amma had the all the right things in life, if only she had a man who loved her enough through all this, she would be fine one day. I really think all it takes is something sweet in the morning, and before you sleep at night. After so many years, that's all it takes to keep your faith in living through it all. If that doesn't happen, then why would someone not cry all day if it's anyways expected of you by doctors and family alike. I've told my mom that it would be alright if it all is over. I think I'm old enough to know when someone really wants to go through all this. Anyways I'm not the one taking care of her, so it's not a question of burden. But why would I want that woman, who had green sparkling eyes and a luminous face, who used to listen to me bitch about my parents and chuckle, who had an interest in every person in the family and wanted to be a part of every small festivity; be turned into this stranger who impersonates her and breaks out into desperation so that someone will notice how unhappy she is. Everything is so crazy, sometimes your freedom and your life feels so close and real to you that it's euphoric, and there are times when it pulls you down to the worst corners. For all you know, this could be the best place I'll be at.
I hope she sleeps easy for the rest of her nights.

I don't want to grow up

I've been vegetating. Even when I take a break these days, I'm still thinking of all the running around in store for the next 6 months. Maybe I just cannot work too hard, been out of touch with it for too long. And the thought of all that effort really scares me. So I'm deluding myself thinking that all I need right now is lots of relaxation and minimum activity, but ho hum, I'm bored of lying in bed all day. Have been in Delhi for 3 days now but haven't let anyone know. What's the point. I don't feel like going out or socializing. Lately, everyone I know in Delhi are just lost connections. I can't relate to most of them, call it late realization or whatever. Except some, every person seems not worth the effort.
It frustrates me to not be satisfied with any city, or any person. I'm going to be in Bombay soon, and will crib about that as well. I just hope it doesn't come to me taking the local. I swear it takes unrealistic drive to take that option. So all I'm thinking of is where all I need to go before I graduate, after all this work is over, after I get a job otherwise I'll be too guilt ridden to go anywhere. Hmm. You never know, maybe I'll be so dejected that I'll just run off for a bit.

mm. Goa. In January. NOT in December
Jaisalmer
Kodaikanal
Gokarna
Maybe Hampi once more. Want to see what it's like season time. Although I get the feeling that I won't be able to squeeze it in this time.
Pondicherry
Ladakh in April
And Krabi

Will definitely cross check this in June. How much will I accomplish in so less time? It almost hurts now. That I won't have so much time to waste ever, or to travel so much more. I can stay awake to watch sunrise and go back to sleep. To know people in their best phases of their life, before money jobs and life takes the joy out of them. No matter what they say, we all will get painted the same way. I miss my dog... he'll always take me to a happier place.

Smoking in Public R.I.P.

I understand that there are bigger issues that are to be dealt with in this country. But we should discuss this smoking ban in great detail. Because banning something as intrinsic as smoking a cigarette, in a country like India, is nothing short of monstrous. I never thought it would happen. I don't know if others around me have been viewing India from a different prism, but I've felt immense freedom in this place. Forget about the bigger picture and all those depressing things you read in the newspapers, but living a normal life in cities here gives you the freedom to do anything you want. And if you need dedication towards any vice, you can depend on India for that. You can pretty much drink anywhere, anytime. Anyone can manage to score anything from any city, why, it only takes a taxi driver to find out these details in 20 minutes. I don't need to give details on the historical presence of smoking in India, all our gods had these swirls around them. Maybe its extra sinful now because of the health drive, but I personally do not know of any man in my home village who doesn't smoke a hookah every evening, and these guys outlast 100 years quite easily. And so do the people around them. Of course I
m not being naive enough to discount the cancer argument altogether. But how much available data remain on origins of cancerous cells anyway? We just have random statement on how the non-existence of this chemical increases your chances of contracting this cancer or that. What about those people who contract stomach cancer at the age of 22? They didn't even live enough to warrant that kind of body desecration.
I think I smoke responsibly. I wouldn't light up when children are around, or when old men are around. Or when someone is really unwell. And most of the people I know follow these basic rules. Because smokers are not unidentified aliens. They are just in possession of a habit that is more socially criminal than yours. I will never understand as to why drinking is so much more accepted by every generation. My dad took me out for my first drink with him when I was 13 or something, and we end up drinking everytime we meet or go out. But even he gives me an endless lecture whenever he smells smoke on me. I can't tell him that like other kids have veered towards getting drunk, I've veered towards this. He won't get it. Apparently my liver is less important than my lungs. I've seen more people die from alcohol abuse, but I'm still encouraged to leave cigarettes by my well-meaning friends, because that's what they have chosen as the safer option. But why should any place set up these unbelievable rules that are clearly infringing my rights? The argument is that my harmful habit affects other people too, so it should be done away with. And drinking does not do that? How many people run over 12 people while overspeeding after smoking cigarettes? Alcohol is what gets you to work late, because of your hangover. Not cigarettes, they actually keep you awake. Too much alcohol also makes you violent, emotional, lecherous, loud and generally too much of an inconvenience. How are these factors not affecting other people?
India has the second highest standing in world malnutrition index. The State doesn't have funds to feed all the children here, inspite of booming production and useless imports because some Minister wants a cut in that deal. The Delhi Police has already stated they are much too busy to waste time on imposing fine on random smokers, what with bombs exploding all over the country with clockwork schedule. How can Ramadoss logically explain the application of this law that clearly does not suit the Indian budget? Does it make any sense to impose another burden on the taxpayer only because this guy wants to get his not-so popular portfolio in the limelight too. Those hungry kids be damned. I'd rather hit against smokers and Bollywood. The media covers that. If he's so concerned about the health of this country's youth, then his ideal mode of action should be to exterminate cigarettes from this country. Ban the manufacturing. Delete them from the system. But they won't do that. As it gives them unimaginable money. So they'll keep on making cigarettes more expensive, and also make it more difficult for people to smoke them. While industries based on this product as well as the people dependent on them for survival will suffer losses, the government can act like the righteous big daddy and also pocket big change in the process.
There are an equal amount of smokers in this country, isn't it a bit too harsh to expect them to climb down floors to smoke while at work? To not allow smoking sections at all in restaurants and clubs? To make them step outside in the sun or bad weather from places that expect you to pay 300 bucks for a coffee plus tax plus VAT? Why the hell should I be so inconvenienced? Can no one see that this whole thing is more than just a plea for a frivolous privilege. The other day some random woman patted me on the shoulder while I was walking on the road, telling me that smoking is now banned. Great. So now all these faceless strangers who always nursed hatred against this 'filthy' habit will collect the balls to give worthless gyaan to other strangers just on the security of this dumb law? Of course I told her to read up the law in detail to know of the exclusion of streets. Thankfully. But how many more? The coffee place close to my house has this bench kind of sitting area that overlooks the traffic on the road wherein you can smoke, from there all the rickshaw wallahs, paan tapri guys, random people in passing cars, people walking, men with ideas about women who smoke can take part in my smoking experience. It leaves such a bad taste in my mouth. It's so insane, it's like an era has come to an end. Maybe we all will get time to get used to it. And then, as it so happens in India, there'll be a jugaad to get around this as well.

.........

Please don't listen to psychedelic music. It can get you arrested. And that is just the good part. See what I mean, no freedom. I'm waiting for the day when India will be like Russia, when psy will be so goddamn common that it'll give competition to dandiya nights. Yay!

..........

After all that is happening around me, it's no wonder I hate going out. It's like your home has become the trippiest and safest place to hang out. That's why I'm moving again in search of something different.

...........

It's really funny to see all these Bongs crying now. Earlier it was oh Mamta didi is such a socialist hero, yes we definitely will hold on to this land and let no one enter. And now it's hogwash like how Durga Pujo celebrations have hit a lull because of the exit of the king of small cars. Modi has again proved his smarts. This just shows that a normal human being will nowadays not even accept something he readily wants without nakhras. And when it's taken away, he'll waste some more newsprint on how unfair it is that his wishes have been answered.

One leg of the placements is over. I still can't believe I actually got in, No, I have no ill-disguised ideas about my genius, but I spoke like such a rabid feminist to a panel of 3 men that it wasn't funny. Yes, Punjabi men kill little girls. Yes, you men are doing all these horrible things. We had it so tough man. There are various ways of female infanticide, strangling underwater being the most popular. I admire Medha Padkar. Really now. That last one is embarrassing, I was also asked about the woman I admire, the answer to that question will NOT be revealed on this blog. It makes me sound like a Miss India finalist. But originality doesn't come easily when you forget how to frame normal sentences out of nervousness.
Hmmm. I never thought I'd be looking out for a job. Not so soon at least. And not to boring as being a lawyer in some firm working 8 to 11. I secretly hoped that I'd give in to my psychotic tendencies and leave my 5 year course midway to do something bizarre. But it never happened. I'm too chicken for an alternative career. The problem is when you don't really know what else you can do? I'm picking out my city of choice like a raffle ticket, it doesn't help that I'll probably have 1 best friend and 4-5 people I steadfastly ignore living there. But when I started this wild chase before coming to Pune, looking at these 5 years now...it all seems well spent. I pretty much got everything that I wanted out of this time in my life. So hopefully things to come won't disappoint.

Che told me that I just need him, and habit is never enough. I don't know how to make him understand. The whole idea of love has been cheapened now, god knows how many people I've been in love with at different points of time. There is no way to know if I value someone for their presence or for who they are. Momentary comfort has always worked for me. But this is permanent. And most of the times, there's nothing comfortable about it. Maybe he'll get it one day. Love is okay, but need is better.

No Smoking

I've been talking a lot about this new health directive from October 2 with a feeling of impending doom. My faith in my country has been certifiably smashed to bits. Why aren't there any mass protests over this? Is India really made up of so many non - smokers that no one really gives a damn. Or maybe everyone thinks that this will sink in too like the numerous other rulings. But this wouldn't. This is going to become like how Mumbai cops have so diligently decided to bring every case of drunken driving to book. That makes sense. Blowing smoke in the air and harming others (apparently) is a lot less scandalous than being a bad driver and then heightening your chances of killing people by downing some.
I remember how the clinical feel of Singapore drove me up the wall. And then stupid Dubai. Never would have thought that ANY government would achieve the unbelievable feat of instituting a ban on public smoking in an Arab country. But they did. I think it's all a case of talking too much about a good thing. Never would this happen in India. We respect our people and their brains. Fine, you cannot smoke at airports and railway stations. But this is revolting. Imagine going to Blues, my growing up drinking haunt, and now some cute waiter is going to tell me not to smoke there. Imagine having a great dinner and then you can't light up there. There will be nothing as a smoking section. If I go to yet another cramped club because some commercial friends of mine force me to, I won't be able to chain smoke to ward off my boredom, or frustration or whatever. Now when I meet some new group of people in a new place, I wouldn't be able to smoke to keep myself from feeling awkward. Fuck. Where is the love. And about it being harmful, of course it is. So is alcohol. And a dozen other things. This hypocrisy doesn't sit too well with me. I had a lot of stuff on how smoking (marijuana) is actually less harmful than drinking alcohol, but um, it's not there on this computer and I should really study for my placements. Also, India is such a wonderful country where women are still not allowed to smoke a cigarette in peace without being given the oh god you're an immoral bitch stare. Wonder how much I'll step out on the street to smoke one. I'm so disappointed. I thought we were free. To harm ourselves in whatever way we want.

Doob Gai

I finally went to Dubai. Hmmmmm. Obviously the little cultured me had absolutely no interest in going to this industrial nightmare in the middle of an Arabian desert, but my dad planned it so I gave in. Of course I had a great time with family but the place is quite weird. Apart from the fact that I didn't think that the celsius grade scale went above 40, well apparently it does. Because the temperature oscillated between 52 to 56 the whole time I was there. Of course the great thing about being in an oil producing country is that such things will never bother you. The only people you are likely to see on the roads are immigrants anyway, the Filipinos, Indians and Pakistanis. And does anyone know that you get a gallon of petrol for 60 bucks there. Yes, eat that. The obscene number of Landcruisers made more sense to me after knowing this. But its funny how such places never make an impact on you in any possible way. I've never been the staying in the hotel and shopping all day kind of tourist, but that's exactly what I did for 5 days. And shamelessly at that. Yeah, they have some indigenous things like the shisha and deserts. Wow. I'm real sad about not experiencing that.
You meet all these kids from UAE who come to do university in India and the common thread amongst them is the need for filtered water. Of course bastards, you guys don't have ANY water being produced from your country's resources, hence the confusion about bad and good water. And paying for water is so nouveau riche. Only you are not aware of it. But this post is not about mineral water. It's really about nothing in particular but I just feel I should feel up some space.

The women are quite pretty though. That is what I could make out from whatever I could see of them. Ha ha. I don't like going to such places because they seem to expose the hypocrite in me. Like how I held back my smirks whenever I caught a whiff of an Hermes scarp underneath the burqa, or saw the Balenciaga shoes clinking noisily, golden shiny ones at that. But then I told myself that my entire problem with the hijab is that it constricts women and relegates them to a clinical place, then why should I balk at these women prettying themselves so excessively beneath all those black layers. They have high - end designer stores that only make hijab. And you can really look at one of these and know who's more loaded. What's the point of this hypocrisy. Either you decide to live life hiding your power to attract men in any way possible and wear the hijab everywhere, or you just don't wear it altogether. My dad was impressed that most of these women have Anglican accents and have come for vacation after studying in Eton or something. That is even more depressing actually. Because it proves that even high end education and world experience cannot take these people away from this Islamic disease. Of course the only good thing is that their men really do not look at any women. Ever. Funnily, I felt relieved at reaching Bombay airport when some guys offered me a lift in classic romeo fashion, because I really thought I had become ugly almost overnight in Dubai since no one was looking at me!
I know its a different culture and I would probably never understand it. And that's what I'm thankful about. You have to know freedom to realize all that you're missing out. And no amount of Dior and LV bags can fucking top my life. Maybe it's like a balancing act by God. Since they can't wear it, they can afford it. And since I can wear it, I can't afford it. Hmmmm. Must be so much fun to spend 2 lakhs on a Lanvin dress and experience the secret thrill of wearing it under a hijab.
It seems like I hate these women. But I really don't. I wish great things for them. Even if Arab women prefer this life, then I pray for some revolution that'll open their minds that life is much more than just being pretty and using no contraception.

******

I have the most embarrassing secret. It takes 3 hours by cab to reach Pune from Bombay. And I spent the better part of that ride listening to that Aditi song from the Jaane Tu on repeat. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME. It's only because I can imagine Imran Khan singing that song in front of me. God. A celebrity crush. Me. Don't tell anyone. But he's so cute. If someone knows someone who looks like him and ahem, if he also resembles his character in the movie. Please let me know. Hee hee.

I never wanted to put personal pictures here. But this is only so that I never forget the day and every detail about it. So it looks like I can give a lot. And I also can't love enough :)

Cheese is healthy if carbs are low

Er. Why is everyone on this insane health trip? It disgusts me. This friend of mine wants to be a model so he's given up wheat completely for the next 2 months! That means he doesn't eat bread, roti anything. Of course he claims that he's giving it up only for the next 2 months so that he achieves the perfect drool-worthy stomach, but judging from his past record of obsessiveness, there's no telling how far he'll continue this madness. I like to describe my sinfully unhealthy meals to him in detail so that life becomes unbearable for him. But he's got such ridiculous self control, he likes it if I exaggerate the taste so that he can make his mind stronger. God, that sounds as dumb as Gandhi sleeping with nubile teenagers to check his will power.
But I'm impressed by this incredible stupidity. And I seem to know a lot many of these freaks. Like best friend's brother who came to Pune and wanted the customary darshan. I took him to German Bakery because um..I don't go anywhere else. I know I know it's supposed to be some fruity health place .. they have pita and 'fresh' fruit juice ( balls! )cold coffee with no added sugar..everything made in brown bread. Basically anything you eat there feels like it's just been uprooted from some farm. It sucks. That's why the only thing I've ever had there are croissants and coffee. But that freak, who I thought would certifiably hate that place because of the white trash plus college smack addicts of Pune frequenting that place, he shockingly couldn't stop salivating. He went on to bore my eyeballs out by going on about the health benefits and calorie count of this and that. And then giving added gyaan on my unhealthy diet and why I shouldn't smoke if I ever want to hit the gym. Apparently it cancels out the benefits. Who cares. Who says I want to live till I'm 80. No one wants to be an 80 year old who wasn't 'adventurous' enough to eat butter chicken all her life.

I like people who work out. I like people who do anything I'm incapable of doing. So whenever I'm going for breakfast in the morning after staying awake the whole night, I always smile with guilt watching the purposeful joggers and gymmers. But anything upto a certain limit is good. But not when you don't eat aloo ka paranthas because it's unhealthy. WHAT THE FUCK. Are you Indian or what you goddamn pansy. These people are satisfied with eating bird food all through the day, stuff like cucumber slices and sprouts blah blah. I wonder how much of human working hours get wasted because these retards spend them on preparing meals that take more time and effort owing to them being uber healthy. Like the kind of salads these freaks eat, the effort that takes in procuring these ingredients depresses me. Are you trying to tell me tofu is easily available? These people clearly have a lot of faaltu time to decide on what has minimum damages and then set out to find that and then make an unappetizing meal out of that. I was stuck at that guy's house in Bombay and was starving for lunch. He was happily eating a bowl of sprouts with carrot juice. As if that's food. As if that will give you enough energy to do anything productive. Ya, sweetheart, I eat this only. *insert gay I wanna be a model momeeeee smile* I knew you wouldn't eat this. You're so unhealthy. You'll regret it sweetheart. Er, hell yes I won't eat that you fruitcake. Where is my risotto.
Also this whole thing of how I'll regret it. What exactly will I regret? That I'm having 3 square meals a day. That I'm fighting against urban stress, exams, stupid people, bad weather and am giving myself the required energy to do all that by having proper food. It makes me sad to see this. We all see people everyday who would be thankful for any nutrition, any food. Why are things so twisted that the ones who have the means are just not interested.If you're so health conscious, why don't you donate your wasted food to someone else? But no, they'd rather spend it on personal trainers and one membership because that gym is good and another one because that one has a better pool.Whatever. I guess everyone's entitled to spend their money in whichever way but some things are just too unfair.
Maybe I would think differently if my body required me to work out? I know if I get fat, it'll send me on a religious trip to the gym.
Still, I'm never going to a gym. Only after I'm 30.
My discovery for today is that cheese is very healthy. So I was being a good girl and I didn't even know it. But it doesn't matter if you have bread with it. Hmmm. There goes my dream of living on bread cheese and wine and still look fabulous.

Cyrus

My dad actually wanted me to go to that flower market with him. Somewhere in CP it was, it's like a phool mandi. Am I mad? At 5 in the morning. Nowadays I have to wake up at 6 every morning because OD starts prancing around the room in anticipation. The morbid fear of him crapping in the house, which I know he'll never do, forces me out of bed. I'm amazed. Never in my life have I woken up at 6 for anything.
Um. I realize that I'm not saying anything of importance but I just have to document my life. Hahahaha. So that I remember I woke up for my dog at least, if not for anyone else.
I met my school friends some days back. Mr D is so cute, he actually picked me up and then later dropped me back. I think he sought inspiration from Mr V who used to do this all the time in school because after 8 pm all my driver used to start whining to go back to their wives. But bechara. I sit at home and twiddle my thumbs while he's driving around Delhi after work so that we can hang out for 3 hours. Some of my friends are so brilliant it makes me misty. Other than that, real boring men are hitting on me. But I also haven't seen any interesting men in this city. All of them look like mamma's boys, or metrosexual nightmares, or pinker than me, or boarding school relics. There's no other category. But I think Delhi women have really become much better. Like all of them are so well dressed and pretty and all. I think I should switch.

**

Albert Hoffman passed away. Some dickheads on my Facebook have posted stuff like Albert baba I'll miss you. Yes you dickhead, yehin kasar baaki reh gayi thi. Aur thoda wannabe ho jao. You fucking knew him personally that you so badly miss him? Such bullshit all over, I feel bad that a great scientist passed away. He's given a lot of people a third perspective, even if it happened accidentally.

***


Have been listening to such music lately, hmmm, I need a break from the darkness. I downloaded this because I like the name Ananda for a man, and of course he's Uday Shankar's son. What an album. Usually I don't rely on best of compilations but since I don't know anything about him thought this would be a good place to start. Wanted to listen to something on the lines of a sitar, but already have most of the Ravi Shankar albums. This is horribly underrated. Bhaiyo aur beheno, please check it out.
And yes, if you've already heard this and like it. Please. Meet me. Let's go for a drink.