I just came back from meeting my extended family for Diwali. We really have such a clean scene, no one drinking or playing cards. If I compare these people to everyone I know in Delhi, they seem like from another planet. It's become intrinsic to lose a lot of money on Diwali via gambling, apparently the more you lose, the more you gain back by Lakshmi luck. Yeah. Right. But festivals are for everyone I guess. I know of plenty of people who'll get deathly bored at my house. Playing cards on Diwali is so 'required' of everyone, I see ashen faces everytime I confess ignorance and deep disinterest in the whole activity. What?? You won't play? WHY Come we'll teach you. I figure I have enough vices to last me for some time, no need to add to the package.
My grandmom has become unrecognizable. She used to be fat like all old women and be so embarrassed of it. Now the skin on her arms is stretched out and hangs, as if there's nothing inside her to support that many layers. I held them up and saw deep scratches on them, from mosquitoes or boredom I don't know, but she knew she was hurting herself and she didn't remember the reason. It's so lifeless to feel her arms, her face. Is there even a person inside that shapeless clothing? She's not aware of anything around her, and everyone pretends as if she doesn't exist. The basic things that are required to make her live through the day are taken care of, but no one really knows what to do beyond that. I don't blame anyone, I know my chacha has done things few sons could even think of. Even if he complains all day over it, he'd be inhuman if he didn't. What can you do with someone who talks in her voice from childhood from the last 4 years. She wails all day, she forgets what I told her 2 minutes back. She once didn't remember her sons. But if you sit with her, you won't feel it. It's close to going back to when I was 3, she tells me fabricated stories about people and places, confusing incidents and histories along the way. She'll make up conversations that never took place and give dialogues befitting her opinion of that person. So if I hear that she met someone yesterday who asked her about my marriage plans or how long will I rot in Pune, I know she thinks it's high time I come back. Patience is easy when you meet someone for five hours. I would be a different person if I had to live in that house. Old age is the most horrible disease. There are many who enjoy and live through it peacefully, and most of them have the perfect partners. Amma had the all the right things in life, if only she had a man who loved her enough through all this, she would be fine one day. I really think all it takes is something sweet in the morning, and before you sleep at night. After so many years, that's all it takes to keep your faith in living through it all. If that doesn't happen, then why would someone not cry all day if it's anyways expected of you by doctors and family alike. I've told my mom that it would be alright if it all is over. I think I'm old enough to know when someone really wants to go through all this. Anyways I'm not the one taking care of her, so it's not a question of burden. But why would I want that woman, who had green sparkling eyes and a luminous face, who used to listen to me bitch about my parents and chuckle, who had an interest in every person in the family and wanted to be a part of every small festivity; be turned into this stranger who impersonates her and breaks out into desperation so that someone will notice how unhappy she is. Everything is so crazy, sometimes your freedom and your life feels so close and real to you that it's euphoric, and there are times when it pulls you down to the worst corners. For all you know, this could be the best place I'll be at.
I hope she sleeps easy for the rest of her nights.
Wednesday, October 29
Friday, October 17
I don't want to grow up
I've been vegetating. Even when I take a break these days, I'm still thinking of all the running around in store for the next 6 months. Maybe I just cannot work too hard, been out of touch with it for too long. And the thought of all that effort really scares me. So I'm deluding myself thinking that all I need right now is lots of relaxation and minimum activity, but ho hum, I'm bored of lying in bed all day. Have been in Delhi for 3 days now but haven't let anyone know. What's the point. I don't feel like going out or socializing. Lately, everyone I know in Delhi are just lost connections. I can't relate to most of them, call it late realization or whatever. Except some, every person seems not worth the effort.
It frustrates me to not be satisfied with any city, or any person. I'm going to be in Bombay soon, and will crib about that as well. I just hope it doesn't come to me taking the local. I swear it takes unrealistic drive to take that option. So all I'm thinking of is where all I need to go before I graduate, after all this work is over, after I get a job otherwise I'll be too guilt ridden to go anywhere. Hmm. You never know, maybe I'll be so dejected that I'll just run off for a bit.
mm. Goa. In January. NOT in December
Jaisalmer
Kodaikanal
Gokarna
Maybe Hampi once more. Want to see what it's like season time. Although I get the feeling that I won't be able to squeeze it in this time.
Pondicherry
Ladakh in April
And Krabi
Will definitely cross check this in June. How much will I accomplish in so less time? It almost hurts now. That I won't have so much time to waste ever, or to travel so much more. I can stay awake to watch sunrise and go back to sleep. To know people in their best phases of their life, before money jobs and life takes the joy out of them. No matter what they say, we all will get painted the same way. I miss my dog... he'll always take me to a happier place.
It frustrates me to not be satisfied with any city, or any person. I'm going to be in Bombay soon, and will crib about that as well. I just hope it doesn't come to me taking the local. I swear it takes unrealistic drive to take that option. So all I'm thinking of is where all I need to go before I graduate, after all this work is over, after I get a job otherwise I'll be too guilt ridden to go anywhere. Hmm. You never know, maybe I'll be so dejected that I'll just run off for a bit.
mm. Goa. In January. NOT in December
Jaisalmer
Kodaikanal
Gokarna
Maybe Hampi once more. Want to see what it's like season time. Although I get the feeling that I won't be able to squeeze it in this time.
Pondicherry
Ladakh in April
And Krabi
Will definitely cross check this in June. How much will I accomplish in so less time? It almost hurts now. That I won't have so much time to waste ever, or to travel so much more. I can stay awake to watch sunrise and go back to sleep. To know people in their best phases of their life, before money jobs and life takes the joy out of them. No matter what they say, we all will get painted the same way. I miss my dog... he'll always take me to a happier place.
Thursday, October 9
Smoking in Public R.I.P.
I understand that there are bigger issues that are to be dealt with in this country. But we should discuss this smoking ban in great detail. Because banning something as intrinsic as smoking a cigarette, in a country like India, is nothing short of monstrous. I never thought it would happen. I don't know if others around me have been viewing India from a different prism, but I've felt immense freedom in this place. Forget about the bigger picture and all those depressing things you read in the newspapers, but living a normal life in cities here gives you the freedom to do anything you want. And if you need dedication towards any vice, you can depend on India for that. You can pretty much drink anywhere, anytime. Anyone can manage to score anything from any city, why, it only takes a taxi driver to find out these details in 20 minutes. I don't need to give details on the historical presence of smoking in India, all our gods had these swirls around them. Maybe its extra sinful now because of the health drive, but I personally do not know of any man in my home village who doesn't smoke a hookah every evening, and these guys outlast 100 years quite easily. And so do the people around them. Of course I
m not being naive enough to discount the cancer argument altogether. But how much available data remain on origins of cancerous cells anyway? We just have random statement on how the non-existence of this chemical increases your chances of contracting this cancer or that. What about those people who contract stomach cancer at the age of 22? They didn't even live enough to warrant that kind of body desecration.
I think I smoke responsibly. I wouldn't light up when children are around, or when old men are around. Or when someone is really unwell. And most of the people I know follow these basic rules. Because smokers are not unidentified aliens. They are just in possession of a habit that is more socially criminal than yours. I will never understand as to why drinking is so much more accepted by every generation. My dad took me out for my first drink with him when I was 13 or something, and we end up drinking everytime we meet or go out. But even he gives me an endless lecture whenever he smells smoke on me. I can't tell him that like other kids have veered towards getting drunk, I've veered towards this. He won't get it. Apparently my liver is less important than my lungs. I've seen more people die from alcohol abuse, but I'm still encouraged to leave cigarettes by my well-meaning friends, because that's what they have chosen as the safer option. But why should any place set up these unbelievable rules that are clearly infringing my rights? The argument is that my harmful habit affects other people too, so it should be done away with. And drinking does not do that? How many people run over 12 people while overspeeding after smoking cigarettes? Alcohol is what gets you to work late, because of your hangover. Not cigarettes, they actually keep you awake. Too much alcohol also makes you violent, emotional, lecherous, loud and generally too much of an inconvenience. How are these factors not affecting other people?
India has the second highest standing in world malnutrition index. The State doesn't have funds to feed all the children here, inspite of booming production and useless imports because some Minister wants a cut in that deal. The Delhi Police has already stated they are much too busy to waste time on imposing fine on random smokers, what with bombs exploding all over the country with clockwork schedule. How can Ramadoss logically explain the application of this law that clearly does not suit the Indian budget? Does it make any sense to impose another burden on the taxpayer only because this guy wants to get his not-so popular portfolio in the limelight too. Those hungry kids be damned. I'd rather hit against smokers and Bollywood. The media covers that. If he's so concerned about the health of this country's youth, then his ideal mode of action should be to exterminate cigarettes from this country. Ban the manufacturing. Delete them from the system. But they won't do that. As it gives them unimaginable money. So they'll keep on making cigarettes more expensive, and also make it more difficult for people to smoke them. While industries based on this product as well as the people dependent on them for survival will suffer losses, the government can act like the righteous big daddy and also pocket big change in the process.
There are an equal amount of smokers in this country, isn't it a bit too harsh to expect them to climb down floors to smoke while at work? To not allow smoking sections at all in restaurants and clubs? To make them step outside in the sun or bad weather from places that expect you to pay 300 bucks for a coffee plus tax plus VAT? Why the hell should I be so inconvenienced? Can no one see that this whole thing is more than just a plea for a frivolous privilege. The other day some random woman patted me on the shoulder while I was walking on the road, telling me that smoking is now banned. Great. So now all these faceless strangers who always nursed hatred against this 'filthy' habit will collect the balls to give worthless gyaan to other strangers just on the security of this dumb law? Of course I told her to read up the law in detail to know of the exclusion of streets. Thankfully. But how many more? The coffee place close to my house has this bench kind of sitting area that overlooks the traffic on the road wherein you can smoke, from there all the rickshaw wallahs, paan tapri guys, random people in passing cars, people walking, men with ideas about women who smoke can take part in my smoking experience. It leaves such a bad taste in my mouth. It's so insane, it's like an era has come to an end. Maybe we all will get time to get used to it. And then, as it so happens in India, there'll be a jugaad to get around this as well.
.........
Please don't listen to psychedelic music. It can get you arrested. And that is just the good part. See what I mean, no freedom. I'm waiting for the day when India will be like Russia, when psy will be so goddamn common that it'll give competition to dandiya nights. Yay!
..........
After all that is happening around me, it's no wonder I hate going out. It's like your home has become the trippiest and safest place to hang out. That's why I'm moving again in search of something different.
...........
It's really funny to see all these Bongs crying now. Earlier it was oh Mamta didi is such a socialist hero, yes we definitely will hold on to this land and let no one enter. And now it's hogwash like how Durga Pujo celebrations have hit a lull because of the exit of the king of small cars. Modi has again proved his smarts. This just shows that a normal human being will nowadays not even accept something he readily wants without nakhras. And when it's taken away, he'll waste some more newsprint on how unfair it is that his wishes have been answered.
m not being naive enough to discount the cancer argument altogether. But how much available data remain on origins of cancerous cells anyway? We just have random statement on how the non-existence of this chemical increases your chances of contracting this cancer or that. What about those people who contract stomach cancer at the age of 22? They didn't even live enough to warrant that kind of body desecration.
I think I smoke responsibly. I wouldn't light up when children are around, or when old men are around. Or when someone is really unwell. And most of the people I know follow these basic rules. Because smokers are not unidentified aliens. They are just in possession of a habit that is more socially criminal than yours. I will never understand as to why drinking is so much more accepted by every generation. My dad took me out for my first drink with him when I was 13 or something, and we end up drinking everytime we meet or go out. But even he gives me an endless lecture whenever he smells smoke on me. I can't tell him that like other kids have veered towards getting drunk, I've veered towards this. He won't get it. Apparently my liver is less important than my lungs. I've seen more people die from alcohol abuse, but I'm still encouraged to leave cigarettes by my well-meaning friends, because that's what they have chosen as the safer option. But why should any place set up these unbelievable rules that are clearly infringing my rights? The argument is that my harmful habit affects other people too, so it should be done away with. And drinking does not do that? How many people run over 12 people while overspeeding after smoking cigarettes? Alcohol is what gets you to work late, because of your hangover. Not cigarettes, they actually keep you awake. Too much alcohol also makes you violent, emotional, lecherous, loud and generally too much of an inconvenience. How are these factors not affecting other people?
India has the second highest standing in world malnutrition index. The State doesn't have funds to feed all the children here, inspite of booming production and useless imports because some Minister wants a cut in that deal. The Delhi Police has already stated they are much too busy to waste time on imposing fine on random smokers, what with bombs exploding all over the country with clockwork schedule. How can Ramadoss logically explain the application of this law that clearly does not suit the Indian budget? Does it make any sense to impose another burden on the taxpayer only because this guy wants to get his not-so popular portfolio in the limelight too. Those hungry kids be damned. I'd rather hit against smokers and Bollywood. The media covers that. If he's so concerned about the health of this country's youth, then his ideal mode of action should be to exterminate cigarettes from this country. Ban the manufacturing. Delete them from the system. But they won't do that. As it gives them unimaginable money. So they'll keep on making cigarettes more expensive, and also make it more difficult for people to smoke them. While industries based on this product as well as the people dependent on them for survival will suffer losses, the government can act like the righteous big daddy and also pocket big change in the process.
There are an equal amount of smokers in this country, isn't it a bit too harsh to expect them to climb down floors to smoke while at work? To not allow smoking sections at all in restaurants and clubs? To make them step outside in the sun or bad weather from places that expect you to pay 300 bucks for a coffee plus tax plus VAT? Why the hell should I be so inconvenienced? Can no one see that this whole thing is more than just a plea for a frivolous privilege. The other day some random woman patted me on the shoulder while I was walking on the road, telling me that smoking is now banned. Great. So now all these faceless strangers who always nursed hatred against this 'filthy' habit will collect the balls to give worthless gyaan to other strangers just on the security of this dumb law? Of course I told her to read up the law in detail to know of the exclusion of streets. Thankfully. But how many more? The coffee place close to my house has this bench kind of sitting area that overlooks the traffic on the road wherein you can smoke, from there all the rickshaw wallahs, paan tapri guys, random people in passing cars, people walking, men with ideas about women who smoke can take part in my smoking experience. It leaves such a bad taste in my mouth. It's so insane, it's like an era has come to an end. Maybe we all will get time to get used to it. And then, as it so happens in India, there'll be a jugaad to get around this as well.
.........
Please don't listen to psychedelic music. It can get you arrested. And that is just the good part. See what I mean, no freedom. I'm waiting for the day when India will be like Russia, when psy will be so goddamn common that it'll give competition to dandiya nights. Yay!
..........
After all that is happening around me, it's no wonder I hate going out. It's like your home has become the trippiest and safest place to hang out. That's why I'm moving again in search of something different.
...........
It's really funny to see all these Bongs crying now. Earlier it was oh Mamta didi is such a socialist hero, yes we definitely will hold on to this land and let no one enter. And now it's hogwash like how Durga Pujo celebrations have hit a lull because of the exit of the king of small cars. Modi has again proved his smarts. This just shows that a normal human being will nowadays not even accept something he readily wants without nakhras. And when it's taken away, he'll waste some more newsprint on how unfair it is that his wishes have been answered.
Thursday, September 25
One leg of the placements is over. I still can't believe I actually got in, No, I have no ill-disguised ideas about my genius, but I spoke like such a rabid feminist to a panel of 3 men that it wasn't funny. Yes, Punjabi men kill little girls. Yes, you men are doing all these horrible things. We had it so tough man. There are various ways of female infanticide, strangling underwater being the most popular. I admire Medha Padkar. Really now. That last one is embarrassing, I was also asked about the woman I admire, the answer to that question will NOT be revealed on this blog. It makes me sound like a Miss India finalist. But originality doesn't come easily when you forget how to frame normal sentences out of nervousness.
Hmmm. I never thought I'd be looking out for a job. Not so soon at least. And not to boring as being a lawyer in some firm working 8 to 11. I secretly hoped that I'd give in to my psychotic tendencies and leave my 5 year course midway to do something bizarre. But it never happened. I'm too chicken for an alternative career. The problem is when you don't really know what else you can do? I'm picking out my city of choice like a raffle ticket, it doesn't help that I'll probably have 1 best friend and 4-5 people I steadfastly ignore living there. But when I started this wild chase before coming to Pune, looking at these 5 years now...it all seems well spent. I pretty much got everything that I wanted out of this time in my life. So hopefully things to come won't disappoint.
Che told me that I just need him, and habit is never enough. I don't know how to make him understand. The whole idea of love has been cheapened now, god knows how many people I've been in love with at different points of time. There is no way to know if I value someone for their presence or for who they are. Momentary comfort has always worked for me. But this is permanent. And most of the times, there's nothing comfortable about it. Maybe he'll get it one day. Love is okay, but need is better.
Hmmm. I never thought I'd be looking out for a job. Not so soon at least. And not to boring as being a lawyer in some firm working 8 to 11. I secretly hoped that I'd give in to my psychotic tendencies and leave my 5 year course midway to do something bizarre. But it never happened. I'm too chicken for an alternative career. The problem is when you don't really know what else you can do? I'm picking out my city of choice like a raffle ticket, it doesn't help that I'll probably have 1 best friend and 4-5 people I steadfastly ignore living there. But when I started this wild chase before coming to Pune, looking at these 5 years now...it all seems well spent. I pretty much got everything that I wanted out of this time in my life. So hopefully things to come won't disappoint.
Che told me that I just need him, and habit is never enough. I don't know how to make him understand. The whole idea of love has been cheapened now, god knows how many people I've been in love with at different points of time. There is no way to know if I value someone for their presence or for who they are. Momentary comfort has always worked for me. But this is permanent. And most of the times, there's nothing comfortable about it. Maybe he'll get it one day. Love is okay, but need is better.
Friday, September 5
No Smoking
I've been talking a lot about this new health directive from October 2 with a feeling of impending doom. My faith in my country has been certifiably smashed to bits. Why aren't there any mass protests over this? Is India really made up of so many non - smokers that no one really gives a damn. Or maybe everyone thinks that this will sink in too like the numerous other rulings. But this wouldn't. This is going to become like how Mumbai cops have so diligently decided to bring every case of drunken driving to book. That makes sense. Blowing smoke in the air and harming others (apparently) is a lot less scandalous than being a bad driver and then heightening your chances of killing people by downing some.
I remember how the clinical feel of Singapore drove me up the wall. And then stupid Dubai. Never would have thought that ANY government would achieve the unbelievable feat of instituting a ban on public smoking in an Arab country. But they did. I think it's all a case of talking too much about a good thing. Never would this happen in India. We respect our people and their brains. Fine, you cannot smoke at airports and railway stations. But this is revolting. Imagine going to Blues, my growing up drinking haunt, and now some cute waiter is going to tell me not to smoke there. Imagine having a great dinner and then you can't light up there. There will be nothing as a smoking section. If I go to yet another cramped club because some commercial friends of mine force me to, I won't be able to chain smoke to ward off my boredom, or frustration or whatever. Now when I meet some new group of people in a new place, I wouldn't be able to smoke to keep myself from feeling awkward. Fuck. Where is the love. And about it being harmful, of course it is. So is alcohol. And a dozen other things. This hypocrisy doesn't sit too well with me. I had a lot of stuff on how smoking (marijuana) is actually less harmful than drinking alcohol, but um, it's not there on this computer and I should really study for my placements. Also, India is such a wonderful country where women are still not allowed to smoke a cigarette in peace without being given the oh god you're an immoral bitch stare. Wonder how much I'll step out on the street to smoke one. I'm so disappointed. I thought we were free. To harm ourselves in whatever way we want.
I remember how the clinical feel of Singapore drove me up the wall. And then stupid Dubai. Never would have thought that ANY government would achieve the unbelievable feat of instituting a ban on public smoking in an Arab country. But they did. I think it's all a case of talking too much about a good thing. Never would this happen in India. We respect our people and their brains. Fine, you cannot smoke at airports and railway stations. But this is revolting. Imagine going to Blues, my growing up drinking haunt, and now some cute waiter is going to tell me not to smoke there. Imagine having a great dinner and then you can't light up there. There will be nothing as a smoking section. If I go to yet another cramped club because some commercial friends of mine force me to, I won't be able to chain smoke to ward off my boredom, or frustration or whatever. Now when I meet some new group of people in a new place, I wouldn't be able to smoke to keep myself from feeling awkward. Fuck. Where is the love. And about it being harmful, of course it is. So is alcohol. And a dozen other things. This hypocrisy doesn't sit too well with me. I had a lot of stuff on how smoking (marijuana) is actually less harmful than drinking alcohol, but um, it's not there on this computer and I should really study for my placements. Also, India is such a wonderful country where women are still not allowed to smoke a cigarette in peace without being given the oh god you're an immoral bitch stare. Wonder how much I'll step out on the street to smoke one. I'm so disappointed. I thought we were free. To harm ourselves in whatever way we want.
Monday, August 18
Doob Gai
I finally went to Dubai. Hmmmmm. Obviously the little cultured me had absolutely no interest in going to this industrial nightmare in the middle of an Arabian desert, but my dad planned it so I gave in. Of course I had a great time with family but the place is quite weird. Apart from the fact that I didn't think that the celsius grade scale went above 40, well apparently it does. Because the temperature oscillated between 52 to 56 the whole time I was there. Of course the great thing about being in an oil producing country is that such things will never bother you. The only people you are likely to see on the roads are immigrants anyway, the Filipinos, Indians and Pakistanis. And does anyone know that you get a gallon of petrol for 60 bucks there. Yes, eat that. The obscene number of Landcruisers made more sense to me after knowing this. But its funny how such places never make an impact on you in any possible way. I've never been the staying in the hotel and shopping all day kind of tourist, but that's exactly what I did for 5 days. And shamelessly at that. Yeah, they have some indigenous things like the shisha and deserts. Wow. I'm real sad about not experiencing that.
You meet all these kids from UAE who come to do university in India and the common thread amongst them is the need for filtered water. Of course bastards, you guys don't have ANY water being produced from your country's resources, hence the confusion about bad and good water. And paying for water is so nouveau riche. Only you are not aware of it. But this post is not about mineral water. It's really about nothing in particular but I just feel I should feel up some space.
The women are quite pretty though. That is what I could make out from whatever I could see of them. Ha ha. I don't like going to such places because they seem to expose the hypocrite in me. Like how I held back my smirks whenever I caught a whiff of an Hermes scarp underneath the burqa, or saw the Balenciaga shoes clinking noisily, golden shiny ones at that. But then I told myself that my entire problem with the hijab is that it constricts women and relegates them to a clinical place, then why should I balk at these women prettying themselves so excessively beneath all those black layers. They have high - end designer stores that only make hijab. And you can really look at one of these and know who's more loaded. What's the point of this hypocrisy. Either you decide to live life hiding your power to attract men in any way possible and wear the hijab everywhere, or you just don't wear it altogether. My dad was impressed that most of these women have Anglican accents and have come for vacation after studying in Eton or something. That is even more depressing actually. Because it proves that even high end education and world experience cannot take these people away from this Islamic disease. Of course the only good thing is that their men really do not look at any women. Ever. Funnily, I felt relieved at reaching Bombay airport when some guys offered me a lift in classic romeo fashion, because I really thought I had become ugly almost overnight in Dubai since no one was looking at me!
I know its a different culture and I would probably never understand it. And that's what I'm thankful about. You have to know freedom to realize all that you're missing out. And no amount of Dior and LV bags can fucking top my life. Maybe it's like a balancing act by God. Since they can't wear it, they can afford it. And since I can wear it, I can't afford it. Hmmmm. Must be so much fun to spend 2 lakhs on a Lanvin dress and experience the secret thrill of wearing it under a hijab.
It seems like I hate these women. But I really don't. I wish great things for them. Even if Arab women prefer this life, then I pray for some revolution that'll open their minds that life is much more than just being pretty and using no contraception.
******
I have the most embarrassing secret. It takes 3 hours by cab to reach Pune from Bombay. And I spent the better part of that ride listening to that Aditi song from the Jaane Tu on repeat. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME. It's only because I can imagine Imran Khan singing that song in front of me. God. A celebrity crush. Me. Don't tell anyone. But he's so cute. If someone knows someone who looks like him and ahem, if he also resembles his character in the movie. Please let me know. Hee hee.
You meet all these kids from UAE who come to do university in India and the common thread amongst them is the need for filtered water. Of course bastards, you guys don't have ANY water being produced from your country's resources, hence the confusion about bad and good water. And paying for water is so nouveau riche. Only you are not aware of it. But this post is not about mineral water. It's really about nothing in particular but I just feel I should feel up some space.
The women are quite pretty though. That is what I could make out from whatever I could see of them. Ha ha. I don't like going to such places because they seem to expose the hypocrite in me. Like how I held back my smirks whenever I caught a whiff of an Hermes scarp underneath the burqa, or saw the Balenciaga shoes clinking noisily, golden shiny ones at that. But then I told myself that my entire problem with the hijab is that it constricts women and relegates them to a clinical place, then why should I balk at these women prettying themselves so excessively beneath all those black layers. They have high - end designer stores that only make hijab. And you can really look at one of these and know who's more loaded. What's the point of this hypocrisy. Either you decide to live life hiding your power to attract men in any way possible and wear the hijab everywhere, or you just don't wear it altogether. My dad was impressed that most of these women have Anglican accents and have come for vacation after studying in Eton or something. That is even more depressing actually. Because it proves that even high end education and world experience cannot take these people away from this Islamic disease. Of course the only good thing is that their men really do not look at any women. Ever. Funnily, I felt relieved at reaching Bombay airport when some guys offered me a lift in classic romeo fashion, because I really thought I had become ugly almost overnight in Dubai since no one was looking at me!
I know its a different culture and I would probably never understand it. And that's what I'm thankful about. You have to know freedom to realize all that you're missing out. And no amount of Dior and LV bags can fucking top my life. Maybe it's like a balancing act by God. Since they can't wear it, they can afford it. And since I can wear it, I can't afford it. Hmmmm. Must be so much fun to spend 2 lakhs on a Lanvin dress and experience the secret thrill of wearing it under a hijab.
It seems like I hate these women. But I really don't. I wish great things for them. Even if Arab women prefer this life, then I pray for some revolution that'll open their minds that life is much more than just being pretty and using no contraception.
******
I have the most embarrassing secret. It takes 3 hours by cab to reach Pune from Bombay. And I spent the better part of that ride listening to that Aditi song from the Jaane Tu on repeat. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME. It's only because I can imagine Imran Khan singing that song in front of me. God. A celebrity crush. Me. Don't tell anyone. But he's so cute. If someone knows someone who looks like him and ahem, if he also resembles his character in the movie. Please let me know. Hee hee.
Wednesday, June 4
Monday, May 12
Cheese is healthy if carbs are low
Er. Why is everyone on this insane health trip? It disgusts me. This friend of mine wants to be a model so he's given up wheat completely for the next 2 months! That means he doesn't eat bread, roti anything. Of course he claims that he's giving it up only for the next 2 months so that he achieves the perfect drool-worthy stomach, but judging from his past record of obsessiveness, there's no telling how far he'll continue this madness. I like to describe my sinfully unhealthy meals to him in detail so that life becomes unbearable for him. But he's got such ridiculous self control, he likes it if I exaggerate the taste so that he can make his mind stronger. God, that sounds as dumb as Gandhi sleeping with nubile teenagers to check his will power.
But I'm impressed by this incredible stupidity. And I seem to know a lot many of these freaks. Like best friend's brother who came to Pune and wanted the customary darshan. I took him to German Bakery because um..I don't go anywhere else. I know I know it's supposed to be some fruity health place .. they have pita and 'fresh' fruit juice ( balls! )cold coffee with no added sugar..everything made in brown bread. Basically anything you eat there feels like it's just been uprooted from some farm. It sucks. That's why the only thing I've ever had there are croissants and coffee. But that freak, who I thought would certifiably hate that place because of the white trash plus college smack addicts of Pune frequenting that place, he shockingly couldn't stop salivating. He went on to bore my eyeballs out by going on about the health benefits and calorie count of this and that. And then giving added gyaan on my unhealthy diet and why I shouldn't smoke if I ever want to hit the gym. Apparently it cancels out the benefits. Who cares. Who says I want to live till I'm 80. No one wants to be an 80 year old who wasn't 'adventurous' enough to eat butter chicken all her life.
I like people who work out. I like people who do anything I'm incapable of doing. So whenever I'm going for breakfast in the morning after staying awake the whole night, I always smile with guilt watching the purposeful joggers and gymmers. But anything upto a certain limit is good. But not when you don't eat aloo ka paranthas because it's unhealthy. WHAT THE FUCK. Are you Indian or what you goddamn pansy. These people are satisfied with eating bird food all through the day, stuff like cucumber slices and sprouts blah blah. I wonder how much of human working hours get wasted because these retards spend them on preparing meals that take more time and effort owing to them being uber healthy. Like the kind of salads these freaks eat, the effort that takes in procuring these ingredients depresses me. Are you trying to tell me tofu is easily available? These people clearly have a lot of faaltu time to decide on what has minimum damages and then set out to find that and then make an unappetizing meal out of that. I was stuck at that guy's house in Bombay and was starving for lunch. He was happily eating a bowl of sprouts with carrot juice. As if that's food. As if that will give you enough energy to do anything productive. Ya, sweetheart, I eat this only. *insert gay I wanna be a model momeeeee smile* I knew you wouldn't eat this. You're so unhealthy. You'll regret it sweetheart. Er, hell yes I won't eat that you fruitcake. Where is my risotto.
Also this whole thing of how I'll regret it. What exactly will I regret? That I'm having 3 square meals a day. That I'm fighting against urban stress, exams, stupid people, bad weather and am giving myself the required energy to do all that by having proper food. It makes me sad to see this. We all see people everyday who would be thankful for any nutrition, any food. Why are things so twisted that the ones who have the means are just not interested.If you're so health conscious, why don't you donate your wasted food to someone else? But no, they'd rather spend it on personal trainers and one membership because that gym is good and another one because that one has a better pool.Whatever. I guess everyone's entitled to spend their money in whichever way but some things are just too unfair.
Maybe I would think differently if my body required me to work out? I know if I get fat, it'll send me on a religious trip to the gym.
Still, I'm never going to a gym. Only after I'm 30.
My discovery for today is that cheese is very healthy. So I was being a good girl and I didn't even know it. But it doesn't matter if you have bread with it. Hmmm. There goes my dream of living on bread cheese and wine and still look fabulous.
But I'm impressed by this incredible stupidity. And I seem to know a lot many of these freaks. Like best friend's brother who came to Pune and wanted the customary darshan. I took him to German Bakery because um..I don't go anywhere else. I know I know it's supposed to be some fruity health place .. they have pita and 'fresh' fruit juice ( balls! )cold coffee with no added sugar..everything made in brown bread. Basically anything you eat there feels like it's just been uprooted from some farm. It sucks. That's why the only thing I've ever had there are croissants and coffee. But that freak, who I thought would certifiably hate that place because of the white trash plus college smack addicts of Pune frequenting that place, he shockingly couldn't stop salivating. He went on to bore my eyeballs out by going on about the health benefits and calorie count of this and that. And then giving added gyaan on my unhealthy diet and why I shouldn't smoke if I ever want to hit the gym. Apparently it cancels out the benefits. Who cares. Who says I want to live till I'm 80. No one wants to be an 80 year old who wasn't 'adventurous' enough to eat butter chicken all her life.
I like people who work out. I like people who do anything I'm incapable of doing. So whenever I'm going for breakfast in the morning after staying awake the whole night, I always smile with guilt watching the purposeful joggers and gymmers. But anything upto a certain limit is good. But not when you don't eat aloo ka paranthas because it's unhealthy. WHAT THE FUCK. Are you Indian or what you goddamn pansy. These people are satisfied with eating bird food all through the day, stuff like cucumber slices and sprouts blah blah. I wonder how much of human working hours get wasted because these retards spend them on preparing meals that take more time and effort owing to them being uber healthy. Like the kind of salads these freaks eat, the effort that takes in procuring these ingredients depresses me. Are you trying to tell me tofu is easily available? These people clearly have a lot of faaltu time to decide on what has minimum damages and then set out to find that and then make an unappetizing meal out of that. I was stuck at that guy's house in Bombay and was starving for lunch. He was happily eating a bowl of sprouts with carrot juice. As if that's food. As if that will give you enough energy to do anything productive. Ya, sweetheart, I eat this only. *insert gay I wanna be a model momeeeee smile* I knew you wouldn't eat this. You're so unhealthy. You'll regret it sweetheart. Er, hell yes I won't eat that you fruitcake. Where is my risotto.
Also this whole thing of how I'll regret it. What exactly will I regret? That I'm having 3 square meals a day. That I'm fighting against urban stress, exams, stupid people, bad weather and am giving myself the required energy to do all that by having proper food. It makes me sad to see this. We all see people everyday who would be thankful for any nutrition, any food. Why are things so twisted that the ones who have the means are just not interested.If you're so health conscious, why don't you donate your wasted food to someone else? But no, they'd rather spend it on personal trainers and one membership because that gym is good and another one because that one has a better pool.Whatever. I guess everyone's entitled to spend their money in whichever way but some things are just too unfair.
Maybe I would think differently if my body required me to work out? I know if I get fat, it'll send me on a religious trip to the gym.
Still, I'm never going to a gym. Only after I'm 30.
My discovery for today is that cheese is very healthy. So I was being a good girl and I didn't even know it. But it doesn't matter if you have bread with it. Hmmm. There goes my dream of living on bread cheese and wine and still look fabulous.
Saturday, May 3
Cyrus
My dad actually wanted me to go to that flower market with him. Somewhere in CP it was, it's like a phool mandi. Am I mad? At 5 in the morning. Nowadays I have to wake up at 6 every morning because OD starts prancing around the room in anticipation. The morbid fear of him crapping in the house, which I know he'll never do, forces me out of bed. I'm amazed. Never in my life have I woken up at 6 for anything.
Um. I realize that I'm not saying anything of importance but I just have to document my life. Hahahaha. So that I remember I woke up for my dog at least, if not for anyone else.
I met my school friends some days back. Mr D is so cute, he actually picked me up and then later dropped me back. I think he sought inspiration from Mr V who used to do this all the time in school because after 8 pm all my driver used to start whining to go back to their wives. But bechara. I sit at home and twiddle my thumbs while he's driving around Delhi after work so that we can hang out for 3 hours. Some of my friends are so brilliant it makes me misty. Other than that, real boring men are hitting on me. But I also haven't seen any interesting men in this city. All of them look like mamma's boys, or metrosexual nightmares, or pinker than me, or boarding school relics. There's no other category. But I think Delhi women have really become much better. Like all of them are so well dressed and pretty and all. I think I should switch.
**
Albert Hoffman passed away. Some dickheads on my Facebook have posted stuff like Albert baba I'll miss you. Yes you dickhead, yehin kasar baaki reh gayi thi. Aur thoda wannabe ho jao. You fucking knew him personally that you so badly miss him? Such bullshit all over, I feel bad that a great scientist passed away. He's given a lot of people a third perspective, even if it happened accidentally.
***
Have been listening to such music lately, hmmm, I need a break from the darkness. I downloaded this because I like the name Ananda for a man, and of course he's Uday Shankar's son. What an album. Usually I don't rely on best of compilations but since I don't know anything about him thought this would be a good place to start. Wanted to listen to something on the lines of a sitar, but already have most of the Ravi Shankar albums. This is horribly underrated. Bhaiyo aur beheno, please check it out.
And yes, if you've already heard this and like it. Please. Meet me. Let's go for a drink.
Um. I realize that I'm not saying anything of importance but I just have to document my life. Hahahaha. So that I remember I woke up for my dog at least, if not for anyone else.
I met my school friends some days back. Mr D is so cute, he actually picked me up and then later dropped me back. I think he sought inspiration from Mr V who used to do this all the time in school because after 8 pm all my driver used to start whining to go back to their wives. But bechara. I sit at home and twiddle my thumbs while he's driving around Delhi after work so that we can hang out for 3 hours. Some of my friends are so brilliant it makes me misty. Other than that, real boring men are hitting on me. But I also haven't seen any interesting men in this city. All of them look like mamma's boys, or metrosexual nightmares, or pinker than me, or boarding school relics. There's no other category. But I think Delhi women have really become much better. Like all of them are so well dressed and pretty and all. I think I should switch.
**
Albert Hoffman passed away. Some dickheads on my Facebook have posted stuff like Albert baba I'll miss you. Yes you dickhead, yehin kasar baaki reh gayi thi. Aur thoda wannabe ho jao. You fucking knew him personally that you so badly miss him? Such bullshit all over, I feel bad that a great scientist passed away. He's given a lot of people a third perspective, even if it happened accidentally.
***
Have been listening to such music lately, hmmm, I need a break from the darkness. I downloaded this because I like the name Ananda for a man, and of course he's Uday Shankar's son. What an album. Usually I don't rely on best of compilations but since I don't know anything about him thought this would be a good place to start. Wanted to listen to something on the lines of a sitar, but already have most of the Ravi Shankar albums. This is horribly underrated. Bhaiyo aur beheno, please check it out.
And yes, if you've already heard this and like it. Please. Meet me. Let's go for a drink.
Monday, April 21
Sunday, April 13
Doggie trail
Why are Indians so horribly uncivilized on airports? They seem to be bearable in buses, even trains..maybe I'm biased towards trains because you sort of expect it to be a battle so any kind of behaviour fails to match up to your exaggerated expectations. But airports is another thing altogether. I'm so royally ticked off that I might just give up traveling by air altogether. Till the time I can afford to fly business class and consequently, won't have to bother with the sabzi mandi bullshit. Now Delhi crowd can't get better than the kind that's on business hours Jet or Kingfisher flights. So all these crew cut yuppies carry bulky laptop bags, always have a carefully cultivated look of being busy, and wear ugly shirts with ugly shoes. We know that all of them are probably flying on business with the company footing the bill and so, financially comfortable. Or there are huge gay Delhi families, aunties with daughters and chachas to take care of the women folk. Now why do people like me so wary of traveling with families? I'm not some gift from above, have a family too. And we travel too. But we aren't lucky or gay enough to have 15 assorted members on a same flight. How can that be possible? How can 15 people be required for anything at one point of time? Except perhaps marriages.
So my point is that all these people are literate good family type earning well people. But5 there are some traits that won't escape them...
1. So maybe the check in desk is going to shut but it doesn't matter because you have your boarding pass anyway. So you pass through security check and are so flustered by the fact that you'll miss your flight that you bang into the woman in front of you, hand over your ticket and run towards the aircraft. In the course of which that bitch had no time to apologize...of course not sirreee, because she's so busy. Busy enough to make another phone call before actually getting on to the flight.
2. Indians and phones. sigh...the way they fit together. Now as soon as the plane lands, everyone is going to remove their seat belt and switch on their phones. While the seat belt sign is on. While the plane is still moving. The whole problem with these retards is this urgent need for being important. Like we have people waiting for us outside and they are illiterate sods who can't possible inquire flight details from airport crew...no no. We PERSONALLY have to call mummy, wife, driver, associate that yes I have landed and the plane is going to halt now and I just have to collect my baggage now. WTF!!!! It's a small thing but it burns my blood. Everyone has an emotional fear of being faaltu in India. What's the big deal if no one calls you? What is the whole idea of talking to someone on the phone as soon as you land even if no one is actually picking you up and you'll hail a cab anyway. Are these people fused with burnt brain nerves...
3. As soon as the plane halts, everyone will get up. EveryFUCKINGone. They'll stand in the aisles and take out their top baggage. If you're sitting in between someone, the chut on your right would want to give you an incredulous look because you refuse to conform to this ridiculous herd mentality, and then hurriedly ask you to give him way. So that he can take his bag from top and then stand on your near, very near left. Towards the aisle...right on top of your fucking head. And everyone is going to stand like that, sometimes for 15 minutes because everyone knows that it usually takes that much time for the runway to get installed. But they'll stand anyway.
4. If 5 people are traveling together, all of them will hog the baggage claim. So you have thousands of people hovering over the line, with their fucking servants and trolleys in tow. Why can't you put your trolley at the back of the line, take your goddamn bags and then put it on? What is the idea behind blocking the way for everyone else. And if you see your bag from the back of all these 6ft3 chuts, you can shout to be excused, which they'll comprehend after 5 minutes. By then the bag has moved on..then you run with it. Spot some 2 inch space in the front and scream aloud to be given way. While you're lugging your 20 kilo ka bag on your own because c'monnn how can you claim women equality and all that and then expect people to pick your bags after you, then some man comes right behind you to look at his luggage. While he can fucking see that I'm taking my stuff out, he still DOES IT. And then you scream...and declare him to be a motherfucker. Aaaah....Welcome to Delhi no.
Um. Why is this post called so? There's nothing like walking away from your dog's sad brown eyes while leaving...he knows, you know he knows. It kills me.
So my point is that all these people are literate good family type earning well people. But5 there are some traits that won't escape them...
1. So maybe the check in desk is going to shut but it doesn't matter because you have your boarding pass anyway. So you pass through security check and are so flustered by the fact that you'll miss your flight that you bang into the woman in front of you, hand over your ticket and run towards the aircraft. In the course of which that bitch had no time to apologize...of course not sirreee, because she's so busy. Busy enough to make another phone call before actually getting on to the flight.
2. Indians and phones. sigh...the way they fit together. Now as soon as the plane lands, everyone is going to remove their seat belt and switch on their phones. While the seat belt sign is on. While the plane is still moving. The whole problem with these retards is this urgent need for being important. Like we have people waiting for us outside and they are illiterate sods who can't possible inquire flight details from airport crew...no no. We PERSONALLY have to call mummy, wife, driver, associate that yes I have landed and the plane is going to halt now and I just have to collect my baggage now. WTF!!!! It's a small thing but it burns my blood. Everyone has an emotional fear of being faaltu in India. What's the big deal if no one calls you? What is the whole idea of talking to someone on the phone as soon as you land even if no one is actually picking you up and you'll hail a cab anyway. Are these people fused with burnt brain nerves...
3. As soon as the plane halts, everyone will get up. EveryFUCKINGone. They'll stand in the aisles and take out their top baggage. If you're sitting in between someone, the chut on your right would want to give you an incredulous look because you refuse to conform to this ridiculous herd mentality, and then hurriedly ask you to give him way. So that he can take his bag from top and then stand on your near, very near left. Towards the aisle...right on top of your fucking head. And everyone is going to stand like that, sometimes for 15 minutes because everyone knows that it usually takes that much time for the runway to get installed. But they'll stand anyway.
4. If 5 people are traveling together, all of them will hog the baggage claim. So you have thousands of people hovering over the line, with their fucking servants and trolleys in tow. Why can't you put your trolley at the back of the line, take your goddamn bags and then put it on? What is the idea behind blocking the way for everyone else. And if you see your bag from the back of all these 6ft3 chuts, you can shout to be excused, which they'll comprehend after 5 minutes. By then the bag has moved on..then you run with it. Spot some 2 inch space in the front and scream aloud to be given way. While you're lugging your 20 kilo ka bag on your own because c'monnn how can you claim women equality and all that and then expect people to pick your bags after you, then some man comes right behind you to look at his luggage. While he can fucking see that I'm taking my stuff out, he still DOES IT. And then you scream...and declare him to be a motherfucker. Aaaah....Welcome to Delhi no.
Um. Why is this post called so? There's nothing like walking away from your dog's sad brown eyes while leaving...he knows, you know he knows. It kills me.
Thursday, February 21
Where next..
Have been awake all night and like a fool, am now thinking all the wrong things. Like how exams are getting quite close and how I'll have to hunt around for an internship in about 2 months. And again I'll have to battle Delhi roads morning and evening, actually driving a car, something that seems like such a chore when I'm in Pune... and this ride being supplemented amply in misery quotient due to self not knowing which road leads where. Fuck. And will my new boss like me. You know, have noticed this disturbing trend wherein none of the places I've worked at have really liked me. Sure there was this one office where lots of people liked but that was only because we tanked up a lot after work. And another place where this guy liked me but only because he was looking for a gurrrlfriend. Why he thought I'll even deign to look at him beats me. But really, like the cream of the corporate culture doesn't like me. Apparently I seem too casual or aggressive, both unwanted qualities. And I also take too many cigarette breaks. And not having a dick and all that, the more you smoke, the sluttier you are.
Man. Not like these revelations don't give me unnecessary tension. But earlier I would be so charged up with the idea of interning now it's all like zilch. I'm just hating the idea of work because it's conflicting with my manali plans. And Manali I will so do this time as it's getting real embarrassing to tell people that I've never been there. It's really too far from Pune. And when I have money, it makes sense to get somewhere faster, like Goa. Not like I'm bored of Goa but I've just got to go north. Will be fun.. getting lost, not where how to score, where it's safe to smoke...nice.
So bottomline is that I just don't feel like interning this time. But cribbing also makes zero sense as I will just not go on some trip without doing any work. I'll have such massive guilt trips...hmmm...can only imagine how terrifying they'll be..
....
We are shifting into a new place hence crunched for money as Pune brokers are confirmed chuts. So there's a real scarcity of maal. Like we are actually discouraging each other not to score. Also the little thing of exams getting closer. I can smoke and go for an exam but not hit the books while smoking. It makes you too sleepy to give a flying fuck about Evidence.
But we are still smoking. From friends and small scoring from shady bad maal places. But it's just not enough for me to abuse it.
Recent trip to Boombay has confirmed my allaying suspicions that all Bombay smokers are fucking twats. They always have maal when you are not in their vicinity, very suspicious behaviour. And whenever you land up in their city, it's apparently dry season ( fuck, when is it ever wet. Been 1995 since I heard of some good stuff in that shithole), or they've lost touch with the peddler who just happens to put out anything under the sun in other good days. Balls I say!
If you don't smoke enough, why can't you just fucking say it. Now fuckwits have been showing off about every shit possible, this will get added to the list too?
Totally believe that these chuts have totally fucked the vibes by doing their oh-I-just-got-this-nice-cream and c'mon guys let's get together with bees hazaar ka dj kit and send Skazi crying back to Israel. Why don't they just shut up!
Are Bombay people ever smoking anything other than Manali? And they have some crazy story of someone scoring some crazy shit from a narco, or someone else taking thirty acid or something and really tripping their balls out. If you had the fucking mental strength to handle that much acid you motherfucker, you wouldn't be sitting in front of me pissing me off like few other people have. Why can't you just shut up and pass the smoke and listen to the music? Like really, you're the next Goa Gil and fucking naga sadhus are seeking appointments to smoke a chillum with you, but just shut up ok. So bad man. This whole competition mentality. I wish all of them just disappear.
......
Have a lot of things planned for this year. Man hope everything works out well, apparently my best years are getting over so I hereby declare to go out with a bang.
.....
These cops are making me nervous. I think all of us look suspicious. Then how the hell will we manage to get out stuff from the hills. It really baffles me, just heard of this trick, will probably try that. But just the planning and everything, makes me nervous. I guess trains don't get checked at all hmmmm..how can they check so many people? And so much luggage? Cops have so much free time man. What are these gentlemen doing when women are getting raped hailing a cab or something. Money makes the world go round my friend.
......
I really wanted to write a scathing analysis on this whole Raj Thackeray episode. But it's gotten old now and I forgot a lot of the points and am also not that pissed anymore. Met this UP taxi guy in Boombay and when he can look at the situation logically being the one getting hammered on the streets, I suppose I can too stop resorting to extremist political ideas formulated in the comfortable cocoon of my bed. Why are urban people like us so full of it? So many theories, so many political bracket. Why, the paan waala next door is smarter than us. Smarter than you that is. Not me. Hahahaha
Man. Not like these revelations don't give me unnecessary tension. But earlier I would be so charged up with the idea of interning now it's all like zilch. I'm just hating the idea of work because it's conflicting with my manali plans. And Manali I will so do this time as it's getting real embarrassing to tell people that I've never been there. It's really too far from Pune. And when I have money, it makes sense to get somewhere faster, like Goa. Not like I'm bored of Goa but I've just got to go north. Will be fun.. getting lost, not where how to score, where it's safe to smoke...nice.
So bottomline is that I just don't feel like interning this time. But cribbing also makes zero sense as I will just not go on some trip without doing any work. I'll have such massive guilt trips...hmmm...can only imagine how terrifying they'll be..
....
We are shifting into a new place hence crunched for money as Pune brokers are confirmed chuts. So there's a real scarcity of maal. Like we are actually discouraging each other not to score. Also the little thing of exams getting closer. I can smoke and go for an exam but not hit the books while smoking. It makes you too sleepy to give a flying fuck about Evidence.
But we are still smoking. From friends and small scoring from shady bad maal places. But it's just not enough for me to abuse it.
Recent trip to Boombay has confirmed my allaying suspicions that all Bombay smokers are fucking twats. They always have maal when you are not in their vicinity, very suspicious behaviour. And whenever you land up in their city, it's apparently dry season ( fuck, when is it ever wet. Been 1995 since I heard of some good stuff in that shithole), or they've lost touch with the peddler who just happens to put out anything under the sun in other good days. Balls I say!
If you don't smoke enough, why can't you just fucking say it. Now fuckwits have been showing off about every shit possible, this will get added to the list too?
Totally believe that these chuts have totally fucked the vibes by doing their oh-I-just-got-this-nice-cream and c'mon guys let's get together with bees hazaar ka dj kit and send Skazi crying back to Israel. Why don't they just shut up!
Are Bombay people ever smoking anything other than Manali? And they have some crazy story of someone scoring some crazy shit from a narco, or someone else taking thirty acid or something and really tripping their balls out. If you had the fucking mental strength to handle that much acid you motherfucker, you wouldn't be sitting in front of me pissing me off like few other people have. Why can't you just shut up and pass the smoke and listen to the music? Like really, you're the next Goa Gil and fucking naga sadhus are seeking appointments to smoke a chillum with you, but just shut up ok. So bad man. This whole competition mentality. I wish all of them just disappear.
......
Have a lot of things planned for this year. Man hope everything works out well, apparently my best years are getting over so I hereby declare to go out with a bang.
.....
These cops are making me nervous. I think all of us look suspicious. Then how the hell will we manage to get out stuff from the hills. It really baffles me, just heard of this trick, will probably try that. But just the planning and everything, makes me nervous. I guess trains don't get checked at all hmmmm..how can they check so many people? And so much luggage? Cops have so much free time man. What are these gentlemen doing when women are getting raped hailing a cab or something. Money makes the world go round my friend.
......
I really wanted to write a scathing analysis on this whole Raj Thackeray episode. But it's gotten old now and I forgot a lot of the points and am also not that pissed anymore. Met this UP taxi guy in Boombay and when he can look at the situation logically being the one getting hammered on the streets, I suppose I can too stop resorting to extremist political ideas formulated in the comfortable cocoon of my bed. Why are urban people like us so full of it? So many theories, so many political bracket. Why, the paan waala next door is smarter than us. Smarter than you that is. Not me. Hahahaha
Thursday, January 17
Goa goa goa goa..shut up!
So I'm trying to meander through the grassy pathways that makes my favorite place. Although no one can convince me to walk through a leafy doubtfully snake-infected way like this usually, but for some spots I try to make my brain think otherwise. Even though in my altered state of consciousness, looming visions of snakes griping at my bare legs through the gaps are frequent, I still push it away. I'm thinking Oh I'm so happy, no one irritating is with me right now and I have something planned. Those lamps are pretty, should ask where to buy them. Why do these people sell EVERYWHERE? Who buys anything here? It's the same shit everywhere...this stuff looks especially old. She's standing in some muddy tatters..her hair is stringy. Do you want this? No. My eyes are saying it. But they are fixed the other side. Do you want this? You know how cheap it is? Now it's just the lamps and lost eyes. It's cheaper than us. I walk on. Gotta do something stronger. Something like this follows you. To remind you of something. I wonder what
Saturday, November 17
How Daft is that
I downloaded Untrue by Burial today. What a mind-blowing album. This recent discovery just reinforces my long-held belief that Whitelight should really be my best friend.I feel like making a huge banner scribed with GET IT and flagging it outside my house. And then get t shirts printed with the logo. You know, word of mouth advertising. And someone so brilliant wants to be anonymous? It's a crazy world. If I was that guy, I would have bought myself a house in Bristol and make journalists scamper around for my radical sound bytes. Anyways, so I also got Shocking Pinks which is another indie wonder. And Between Voices by Anti Atlas. The fact that Chris Hufford, manager of Radiohead and Supergrass, is the man behind this outfit might have something to do with the the kind of music it generates. Although if someone downloads this album based on the kind of bands he manages, then please don't come back here to swear at me. It's not as phenomenal as I expected it to be. Now trip hop is probably my favorite genre, so maybe I'm not impressed by yet another hotch-potch of Icelandic totand Japanese vocalists to make the album sound suitably global and inversely, exotic. It's nice, but I might not put it on after a month.
Daft Punk is downloading right now. Been searching Alive, live set for 2 hours now. Everything has been already deleted, now let's hope this is not another empty file. This is one band I'm dying to watch live.
You look at something like this and I get this sinking feeling. Because I'm here. And forced to make do with events like the Sunburn festival where a target of 10,000 people showing up is considered ambitious by most. Now the line-up is good, but there aren't enough funds to have systems that'll reach up the sea. So you're going to have something like this, and then force people to get jostled like ants with no dancing space because the music can't reach wide enough. Last I heard they are going to have sniffer dogs to detect drugs. WTF? And this is at an electronic gig! But how can I blame them, that's how things work here. You first have to suck up to State officials who want free tickets as well as their own sweet conditions on how exactly people should party. If this issue wasn't frivolous, maybe more people would be concerned. I feel like guffawing when people like Nikhil Chinappa proclaim that guys, you don't need drugs to enjoy music. Man, people were fried listening to Velvet Underground. And you're trying to tell me that you're brilliant enough for me to dance on your tunes for 3 hours sober? Seriously? Hahahahahaha
Thursday, November 15
Wake up for pancakes...
This is probably the most testing aspect of my personality, my inability to sleep. Or rather, the propensity to sleep at odd timings. Sometimes it strikes me as really unfair, as I miss out on so much bright cheerio sunshine part of the day. Also, day time is better because things get busy and it makes you distracted enough to fret on mundane things. Nights are something else. It's just you, there are people I can call and yak my night through, but sometimes there's no balance and most of the times no one seems engaging enough. There are certain limits to which you can have mindless conversations with people on Messenger, and not too many awake at 4 am anyway except firang idiots who have yet another question pertaining to their ever-increasing plans for Goa. Really, I don't get this hyper-ventilation over South Asian travel. If you're already so chicken shit, don't bother coming here anyway. Don't fucking stand with me at Khan Market and gobble 3 malaria pills before downing your kebabs. Really, how gay is that. How come you didn't get your mommy too.
I spent some time trying to make my blog look different. But I found nothing that made me interested enough to discard familiarity. Blogger is so predictable. Only for Oh I've been doing Photoshop since I was 6 kind of people. Everybody I know is crazy about Photoshop, and they use it generously to make themselves look marginally attractive or more intriguing on Facebook. Actually, it's pretty dumb for me to crib because if I was an Adobe expert, I would do that too!
So night time is my time. I stay awake most nights on the computer making Google my best friend. So now I know enough about the Boom Festival to book my tickets for 2008. And I also know that Neil Armstrong saw alien spaceships on the moon, owing to which there have been no further excursions to the moon. Then I try to watch television which is always a bad idea that lasts for exactly 5 minutes. Tv is something that I just need in my house, in case I'm dying to watch something live. Like the news. But once it's there, I end up watching it twice a month. And I vowed to myself that I'll only commence my viewership once Shahrukh Khan is done with the promotion of his movie. Because if I'm subjected to yet another sight of him on any channel now, I swear I'll cut my hair, put on red lipstick and run naked on the streets. Why, I don't know. Right now, that really seems crazy.
This is something I do when I'm not trying to convince myself that there are chances that self will fall asleep. So I try to bury myself in blankets so that the warmth makes me drowsy, sometimes read Ramachandra Guha to make me sleepier. Nothing happens, I stay wide awake thinking of how I have nothing planned for the next day and it will truly suck if my mom sees me first thing in the morning yet another time. And then she'll make her ancient call center joke. Then I'll bug my maid to make breakfast. I'll read the newspaper, crib on how there's nothing else to read, not pick up my phone, in case I do, make excuses to people wanting to meet, like how I'm too unwell or too busy with nothing in particular. The thought of staying awake and interacting with someone in a bar in Delhi, thinking of the old times makes me nervous. Mostly because I remember nothing. And if I do recall snippets, those are not enough to last 3 hours with someone. There are others who I meet once a year, and hence not important enough. I wonder, am I turning into a sociopath? Or it's just that I suffer from abominably high standards.
Have been listening to the Thaw Sessions lately. A lot. Why do most people like to diss Verve? Yes, they sucked after Urban Hymns, but that's what happens when retards deviate musicians from the main purpose by treating them like God. And when they start to think that they are indeed God, You just act pish tosh about it, labeling it too commercial for your taste. Hahaha. Actually, I've never been a huge Verve listener, but if these 14 minutes are a true sampler of what the rest of the album is going to sound like, I may just become one.
Thursday, November 8
Drama Queen
Hmmmm. So what should I say? That posts written at 3 in the morning ought not to be trusted. That it's too much of a hassle to make another blog. That writing all this longhand will be a chore and will need to buy newer journals every month. That although I wasn't 'forced' to continue, it's still nice. And that it'll be frustrating if I have to say all this to someone who feels obliged to respond, when he's clearly ill-quipped to come up with anything remotely helpful.And that I can see the point of posterity. So tadaaaaaa...I love faceless people.
*******
Saw Mighty Heart yesterday. Is it a deliberate attempt to shoot it in that documentary frame so that people take it more seriously? Good to see Hollywood producers having the sense to do at least that. After watching a real story, I went on my usual business of searching on every little detail about the movie. Now this man was your average Stanford graduate out to change the world with the power of the mighty pen. I'm tempted to dismiss such personalities as being too yuppie for their own good, in a South Asian country that is clearly dangerous and unreceptive to Americans in general where he was out interviewing a jehadi. What did he expect? Rogan josh and tid-bits on recruitment procedures? How can these firangs be so goddamn naive. And how can journalists in general be so goddamn naive. You don't really earn the right to delve into anything you bloody well please just because you have a press card. I think journalism makes the average rookie think that he's infallible. That he isn't the common man anymore because he can expose all the dirty details. But who the hell is listening? Like this recent Tehelka thing about Modi. Does it affect the Gujarati businessmen who are going to vote for Modi anyway. Or does it affect the riot victims who saw Kar Sevaks bursting open wombs. Or the plethora of journalists who believe Modi to be the criminal irrespective of anything else. Mere validation should not make you feel so great about all that you're doing. And judging by the methods employed to sensationalize something that needs a bit more drama, who is going to believe them anyway. It's terrible, but why do the wrong people have to be touchy about the right things whenever they feel like.
The media wasn't so gung-ho about caste riots when the Sikhs were burnt in Delhi. Tytler's dismissal was enough for them. And no one talks about it today because Sikhs didn't wail about it too much and went on with their lives, and the Godhra riots are anyway more recent so let's fuck Modi over it. If Godhra is so bad, then why is Congress still an Indian intellectual's favorite party? Of course it's politics and shit happens, but it makes no sense to build up something which you were complicit with some years back.
So Daniel Pearl was that kind of journalist. But whenever you hasten to dismiss someone like him, I read something that makes me cringe. This man refused sedation before his beheading. What sort of a person does that? Where do you get the courage to do that. And for what purpose. Is this the sort of world wherein you can romanticize the idea of a revolution. He rebelled against discrimination for his identity. I'm Jewish and if you're going to cut my head over it then so be it. You hear that and you feel that he was a hero. It's only the average joe who would think that. And make Hanukkah videos for Pearl's son so that he knows how brave his father was. But the problem with authority persists. Apparently his wife had to withdraw her case in Pakistan against the perpetrators because she had a tussle over legal fees with the Wall Street Journal. This is how being a revolutionary makes no damning sense. These people are going to make you believe that you have the power to do something different, that there were hundreds before you but you are going to be the one. So go ahead and prove that US bombed a civilian factory instead of weapons of mass destruction as they falsely claimed. Go ahead and bust your ass somewhere in Pakistan with your pregnant wife because the answers you'll get are going to make the world a better place. And these are the people who are going to endanger their own people by handing over information to the CIA and then warm their hands away from it calling it routine procedure in the general interests of the country. Who the fuck is crazy then. The jehadis who are not beating around the bush of what they want, or these fake fuckers who are driving more and more people on to a path that doesn't exist.
I once worked on the US sponsored torture all over the world and the stuff out there is really something else. You can't exhibit such outrage when you are doing worse to Arabs in Cuban prisons. Such hysteria over the beheading of a white Jew looks laughable when under trials who are 'merely' suspected of being jehadis are being shipped to Uzbekistan torture centers so that confessions can be forced out of them. You have a nexus that circulates all over West and Central Asia on the ridiculous pretexts of self-defense, and then you blame this community for being paranoid of your intentions? That's fucking great, that someone can do an Iraq in this world and still have the balls to condemn emergency in Pakistan. What in the hell are they so worried about? Wasn't Musharraf's presidency supported by the American agencies since forever. And anyone with a functioning brain could foretell these course of events from him. It's getting more sinister.. this blaming business centered over where you come from. And the presence of American and British powers is just making it murkier.
If they consider themselves a paramount authority on world peace and the country that has the responsibility to restore democracies and propagate dummy governments, then why is there such silence over the events in Myanmar. Is the American manpower not enough to topple the militia? I feel that even a large part of this Arab and Jewish animosity is being fueled for American self-interest. If they hate each other more, then there's less time to hurt the Americans. Such a wonderful country, then is it surprising that I have never been there on principle. Missing out on airport check-ins regulated by the colour of my skin. And of geographically challenged Americans opinionating on the dismal state of democratic choices in South Asian countries. Sometimes it's best to be a soft power, you have to be too ugly to retain number one. And I'm good with that.
*******
Saw Mighty Heart yesterday. Is it a deliberate attempt to shoot it in that documentary frame so that people take it more seriously? Good to see Hollywood producers having the sense to do at least that. After watching a real story, I went on my usual business of searching on every little detail about the movie. Now this man was your average Stanford graduate out to change the world with the power of the mighty pen. I'm tempted to dismiss such personalities as being too yuppie for their own good, in a South Asian country that is clearly dangerous and unreceptive to Americans in general where he was out interviewing a jehadi. What did he expect? Rogan josh and tid-bits on recruitment procedures? How can these firangs be so goddamn naive. And how can journalists in general be so goddamn naive. You don't really earn the right to delve into anything you bloody well please just because you have a press card. I think journalism makes the average rookie think that he's infallible. That he isn't the common man anymore because he can expose all the dirty details. But who the hell is listening? Like this recent Tehelka thing about Modi. Does it affect the Gujarati businessmen who are going to vote for Modi anyway. Or does it affect the riot victims who saw Kar Sevaks bursting open wombs. Or the plethora of journalists who believe Modi to be the criminal irrespective of anything else. Mere validation should not make you feel so great about all that you're doing. And judging by the methods employed to sensationalize something that needs a bit more drama, who is going to believe them anyway. It's terrible, but why do the wrong people have to be touchy about the right things whenever they feel like.
The media wasn't so gung-ho about caste riots when the Sikhs were burnt in Delhi. Tytler's dismissal was enough for them. And no one talks about it today because Sikhs didn't wail about it too much and went on with their lives, and the Godhra riots are anyway more recent so let's fuck Modi over it. If Godhra is so bad, then why is Congress still an Indian intellectual's favorite party? Of course it's politics and shit happens, but it makes no sense to build up something which you were complicit with some years back.
So Daniel Pearl was that kind of journalist. But whenever you hasten to dismiss someone like him, I read something that makes me cringe. This man refused sedation before his beheading. What sort of a person does that? Where do you get the courage to do that. And for what purpose. Is this the sort of world wherein you can romanticize the idea of a revolution. He rebelled against discrimination for his identity. I'm Jewish and if you're going to cut my head over it then so be it. You hear that and you feel that he was a hero. It's only the average joe who would think that. And make Hanukkah videos for Pearl's son so that he knows how brave his father was. But the problem with authority persists. Apparently his wife had to withdraw her case in Pakistan against the perpetrators because she had a tussle over legal fees with the Wall Street Journal. This is how being a revolutionary makes no damning sense. These people are going to make you believe that you have the power to do something different, that there were hundreds before you but you are going to be the one. So go ahead and prove that US bombed a civilian factory instead of weapons of mass destruction as they falsely claimed. Go ahead and bust your ass somewhere in Pakistan with your pregnant wife because the answers you'll get are going to make the world a better place. And these are the people who are going to endanger their own people by handing over information to the CIA and then warm their hands away from it calling it routine procedure in the general interests of the country. Who the fuck is crazy then. The jehadis who are not beating around the bush of what they want, or these fake fuckers who are driving more and more people on to a path that doesn't exist.
I once worked on the US sponsored torture all over the world and the stuff out there is really something else. You can't exhibit such outrage when you are doing worse to Arabs in Cuban prisons. Such hysteria over the beheading of a white Jew looks laughable when under trials who are 'merely' suspected of being jehadis are being shipped to Uzbekistan torture centers so that confessions can be forced out of them. You have a nexus that circulates all over West and Central Asia on the ridiculous pretexts of self-defense, and then you blame this community for being paranoid of your intentions? That's fucking great, that someone can do an Iraq in this world and still have the balls to condemn emergency in Pakistan. What in the hell are they so worried about? Wasn't Musharraf's presidency supported by the American agencies since forever. And anyone with a functioning brain could foretell these course of events from him. It's getting more sinister.. this blaming business centered over where you come from. And the presence of American and British powers is just making it murkier.
If they consider themselves a paramount authority on world peace and the country that has the responsibility to restore democracies and propagate dummy governments, then why is there such silence over the events in Myanmar. Is the American manpower not enough to topple the militia? I feel that even a large part of this Arab and Jewish animosity is being fueled for American self-interest. If they hate each other more, then there's less time to hurt the Americans. Such a wonderful country, then is it surprising that I have never been there on principle. Missing out on airport check-ins regulated by the colour of my skin. And of geographically challenged Americans opinionating on the dismal state of democratic choices in South Asian countries. Sometimes it's best to be a soft power, you have to be too ugly to retain number one. And I'm good with that.
Monday, November 5
Bye bye capsule
So this is it. I was hoping to do this for some time and tonight has been a decent catalyst. This blog is over. And it makes sense to me too, what do I write about lately anyway? A lot of people here can translate what they feel in better words. But no matter how bottomless I feel, it still looks less sinister on paper. That bothers me. I started to blog thinking that there's no one I can actually talk to. So maybe I ought to try this. You have so many terrible secrets, spill it out anonymously and no one will know. But it wasn't so simple. Even something as simple as this has been page 3-ised by too many people. Some ar apparently publishing books over their fictitious online personalities and people are buying it. What does that have to do with me? Nothing much, except that it riles me up. The hesitant thought before you think of telling someone that you feel they are full of crap riles me up. You as it is can't do it for real, now is it so difficult to do it with masks on too? That bothers me.
I did it because no one knew me here. Especially a certain someone. Now if I count, 5 people reading this blog know about my identity. Not that I'm writing of my bedroom escapades with assorted strangers, but it still bothers me. It's because when you write something as random as this, I really do not need the wrong people to read half of it and fill up the other half with what they judge. That in itself should have stopped me long time back. But I didn't, and I poured some more and now the shit is flying off the wall.
Maybe there's nothing wrong with anyone at all and it's just me. It's probably just me. How come I develop newer issues with every medium? How come my randomness gets me into trouble everytime?
It's just predictable. The moment something starts to make sense, it's taken away from you. Not that I'm being honest here anyway, so fuck it. It's too late to call anyone, and there's no one to call. Now that's an honest admission. I wouldn't tell anyone that. Would I tell anyone that I can feel something creeping from behind? And that nothing feels good anymore. And that after loving my body for some time, I feel like damaging it again.
Have read some interesting people here. Will miss someone else going like oh, I so know what you're talking about. So it's back to capsule.
I did it because no one knew me here. Especially a certain someone. Now if I count, 5 people reading this blog know about my identity. Not that I'm writing of my bedroom escapades with assorted strangers, but it still bothers me. It's because when you write something as random as this, I really do not need the wrong people to read half of it and fill up the other half with what they judge. That in itself should have stopped me long time back. But I didn't, and I poured some more and now the shit is flying off the wall.
Maybe there's nothing wrong with anyone at all and it's just me. It's probably just me. How come I develop newer issues with every medium? How come my randomness gets me into trouble everytime?
It's just predictable. The moment something starts to make sense, it's taken away from you. Not that I'm being honest here anyway, so fuck it. It's too late to call anyone, and there's no one to call. Now that's an honest admission. I wouldn't tell anyone that. Would I tell anyone that I can feel something creeping from behind? And that nothing feels good anymore. And that after loving my body for some time, I feel like damaging it again.
Have read some interesting people here. Will miss someone else going like oh, I so know what you're talking about. So it's back to capsule.
Saturday, November 3
Waiting and wishing
It's really pathetic that I'm actually contemplating if I should write another 'I'm so sick of marriages I could kill someone' kind of post in here again, but that's what I want to write about, in addition to other things sooo.. My mother is tripping around the house and calling 7 people every minute, and then exchanging details of those talks with me. Strange, if a relative of mine got married every month, me and mom would be in the Hall of Fame for best buds till we die. Now my mom is usually finicky about money, I think it's more to do with her upbringing than anything else. Or maybe the exorbitant amounts I seem to be expending on useless material pursuits. So I was obviously shocked when my mother suggested that why don't you get your make-up done from some fancy salon because you're a silly girl who can't put liner the right way, and anyway, all the other girls are doing it. Hmmmmm.I was silent as I swallowed the insult. None of the men I've been with have had the balls to say something like that to me. Is it possible that my mother thinks I'm ugly? Poooof...channeling mind not to veer in this direction. No, I don't want to get dolled up with blush and liner because I aim to be au naturale. And also to be the only girl over there who seems to be sane enough not to want to look like an aging geisha in the environs of a Delhi farmhouse. I know my mother is worried that I should look the best so that she can beam over everyone else, that look, even though my daughter smokes cigarettes and is living alone in another city and is suspect by all of you of being an overtly bigda hua type, she's still better looking than all your daughters put together, so who's eating the pie now eh. Hee hee. Looks like she's equally trivial-minded. Ah. Mother and daughter.
*******
My father was in a strangely introspective mood today. I think something happened with him on his way here and he refuses to tell me about it. He remembered his college bike brought from his own money and how my mother was so happy to have a fiance who had a bike of his own. So you don't need money to have happiness. That's what he concluded. I'm giving you too much too soon, maybe if you waited for things in your life, you would appreciate them more. What do I tell him? That I did wait, for him to talk to me like this. For him to think of how he treats me. For him to dispense time from his whole day on how he's giving me too many 'things' and not anything else. Just yesterday I was having a similar conversation with a guy who got uncomfortable when I talked of all the things I would like to own one day. I don't understand why people get so fidgety whenever you discuss money. As if it's a crime to want things for yourself. It's the second biggest taboo after Indians not having sex like bunnies. What makes me happy? I don't know anymore, but I'm happy when I buy shoes that look too pretty to wear on my feet, and I don't care if it makes me Paris Hilton to think like that. Anything you want, in any which way, costs money. The sooner these people see that, the better it would be for my state of mind.
But he said something so warm. The girls waiting on bus stands, on Delhi roads. They are usually attired on office clothes and must be working in jobs that fetch them 3-5000 bucks a month. Now they don't work for ambition, but it's for need. To satisfy the financial gap in the family. They look uncomfortable waiting for the bus for so long. Because you never know who could touch you. And you've been on your feet all day and want to reach home without having to encounter yet another man on the bus. Any time. They wait for the bus at 9 in the evening. At 10 at night. My father talked of this scene with so much pain, and how he wished he could give a car to each one of them. With drivers. Ha ha.
He seems so different to me some times.
*******
My father was in a strangely introspective mood today. I think something happened with him on his way here and he refuses to tell me about it. He remembered his college bike brought from his own money and how my mother was so happy to have a fiance who had a bike of his own. So you don't need money to have happiness. That's what he concluded. I'm giving you too much too soon, maybe if you waited for things in your life, you would appreciate them more. What do I tell him? That I did wait, for him to talk to me like this. For him to think of how he treats me. For him to dispense time from his whole day on how he's giving me too many 'things' and not anything else. Just yesterday I was having a similar conversation with a guy who got uncomfortable when I talked of all the things I would like to own one day. I don't understand why people get so fidgety whenever you discuss money. As if it's a crime to want things for yourself. It's the second biggest taboo after Indians not having sex like bunnies. What makes me happy? I don't know anymore, but I'm happy when I buy shoes that look too pretty to wear on my feet, and I don't care if it makes me Paris Hilton to think like that. Anything you want, in any which way, costs money. The sooner these people see that, the better it would be for my state of mind.
But he said something so warm. The girls waiting on bus stands, on Delhi roads. They are usually attired on office clothes and must be working in jobs that fetch them 3-5000 bucks a month. Now they don't work for ambition, but it's for need. To satisfy the financial gap in the family. They look uncomfortable waiting for the bus for so long. Because you never know who could touch you. And you've been on your feet all day and want to reach home without having to encounter yet another man on the bus. Any time. They wait for the bus at 9 in the evening. At 10 at night. My father talked of this scene with so much pain, and how he wished he could give a car to each one of them. With drivers. Ha ha.
He seems so different to me some times.
Tuesday, October 30
At least he's sorry about the Muslims
Bomb, he shouted as he was led from court to a prison van yesterday.
I feel cold.
Saturday, October 27
Happily...uhhhh
I hate weddings. I really really do. And people willing to get married are retards. I bet everyone finds the whole idea of settling down with 'someone special' really comforting and that's why so many people are ready to sacrifice their dignity and peace of mind just to get married to someone. It's all so fairy tale like and I'm going to spend a bomb on an outfit that'll be worn only for a day and will ship flowers from Slovakia or something. Blehh. All that is okay I guess, it's the dreamy part so everyone buys it. But you just have to get into this marriage system and it gets dirtier and dirtier. And mostly if it's arranged by people in the family, all evening chai conversations in every bludy house revolves around this huge event. I always thought that even if I go fruity enough to think of getting married, the moment these plans and arrangements take their course, I'm really going to call it all off. And run away to Poland.
So these days I see my mom and this mysterious pain swarms my body. She waits for me to wake up and then recounts the entire conversation to me. Not just once, but twice, thrice. I wake up to the sounds of, god these guys are meeting so many times before getting married. Do you think it makes sense? I mean, so and so did this and got bored and called it off.
So it's good no mommy, they'll realize they hate each other sooner and I'll save the 20 grand that you're forcing me to expend on the sari.
Tch, how can you talk such crap? So did I tell you he gave her Dior for her birthday?
Fuckkkkk. Yes, yes, you told me. Yesterday, and the day before that.And on the phone before I came to Delhi. Why did I come here?
And my cousin, the dumbfuck behind this whole hoopla, had called me in a state of shock. Dooood, she wears such terrible jeans. Huh? That's your opinion of her, in entirety? Who are you, gay Manav Gangwani?
But now he's so happy. He's unemployed so doesn't have to think twice before decking himself up like a chick, demanding that shirt and that tie for this event and that. Ooooh, I have got to wear purple because she's wearing that. And he's already dreaming of taking the girl with the ill-fitting denims with him to MOS every night. lol. I think his whole ambition in life is to end up as the sort of couple who have dinner together at the Ivy and then have wine after dinner. And if you want to make it a wee bit more page 3, dahhhling, we just went to Hilton for dessert. It's revolting.
And everybody is talking about money. And who's spending how much and who's giving what to whom. And what are you wearing and blah blah blah. Although I am wearing something totally divine, but that's besides the point. There are apparently billions of pre-functions which constitute a wholesome Indian wedding. I used to naively think that it's just an engagement and then the wedding and then sex in Europe. Or in the Caribbean if you're pretentious enough. Or more traveled, whatever. But apparently there's some roka, then some ring ceremony where no one actually wears a ring it's just a tika kind of thing. And then they wear a ring which is the engagement. Hmmmm.I think I again got it wrong. I'm so going to disappear after this engagement and then resurface a day before the wedding. I owe this to myself. Otherwise they'll break my spirit and make me dance on Salaam E Ishq. With aunties clapping and my cousin's shady friends leering. Aaaaah.
How can anyone just get married because it's 'time' to get married? You haven't really met anyone worth marrying yet,so pass it on to your parents to find someone suitable. And then you have a screwed up dating sort of scene before the weddings, and behold, you're having sex with a stranger in your parent's house and their blessings. And then you have kids and think of quitting your job because he's too busy to bring them up. And then you get fatter because all you do it stay at home because you have post-pregnancy depression. And you connect with friends who also have babies so that you can exchange newer traits of baby behavior. Then you also get fatter and also marginally happier because by then your husband is earning more money. So you trot in gk 1 in Dior sunglasses with your toddler in tow, thinking you're looking like Kate Moss. And then he cheats on you. You're shattered and then you cheat on him. Provided you're still easy on the eye, because everyone knows it's easier for men to get some as they get older. And you haven't read a book since the last 5 years. And the only music you listen to is on the radio. Or what your kid blares out of his computer. No wonder I'm terrified. Maybe it's better for some, but this is the likely scenario for most.
And for the beauty of motherhood, you only have to see a pregnancy documentary once to vow never to let out a baby out of your body. There are enough people already paying serious attention to the cause of reproduction. Not me. Not me.
So these days I see my mom and this mysterious pain swarms my body. She waits for me to wake up and then recounts the entire conversation to me. Not just once, but twice, thrice. I wake up to the sounds of, god these guys are meeting so many times before getting married. Do you think it makes sense? I mean, so and so did this and got bored and called it off.
So it's good no mommy, they'll realize they hate each other sooner and I'll save the 20 grand that you're forcing me to expend on the sari.
Tch, how can you talk such crap? So did I tell you he gave her Dior for her birthday?
Fuckkkkk. Yes, yes, you told me. Yesterday, and the day before that.And on the phone before I came to Delhi. Why did I come here?
And my cousin, the dumbfuck behind this whole hoopla, had called me in a state of shock. Dooood, she wears such terrible jeans. Huh? That's your opinion of her, in entirety? Who are you, gay Manav Gangwani?
But now he's so happy. He's unemployed so doesn't have to think twice before decking himself up like a chick, demanding that shirt and that tie for this event and that. Ooooh, I have got to wear purple because she's wearing that. And he's already dreaming of taking the girl with the ill-fitting denims with him to MOS every night. lol. I think his whole ambition in life is to end up as the sort of couple who have dinner together at the Ivy and then have wine after dinner. And if you want to make it a wee bit more page 3, dahhhling, we just went to Hilton for dessert. It's revolting.
And everybody is talking about money. And who's spending how much and who's giving what to whom. And what are you wearing and blah blah blah. Although I am wearing something totally divine, but that's besides the point. There are apparently billions of pre-functions which constitute a wholesome Indian wedding. I used to naively think that it's just an engagement and then the wedding and then sex in Europe. Or in the Caribbean if you're pretentious enough. Or more traveled, whatever. But apparently there's some roka, then some ring ceremony where no one actually wears a ring it's just a tika kind of thing. And then they wear a ring which is the engagement. Hmmmm.I think I again got it wrong. I'm so going to disappear after this engagement and then resurface a day before the wedding. I owe this to myself. Otherwise they'll break my spirit and make me dance on Salaam E Ishq. With aunties clapping and my cousin's shady friends leering. Aaaaah.
How can anyone just get married because it's 'time' to get married? You haven't really met anyone worth marrying yet,so pass it on to your parents to find someone suitable. And then you have a screwed up dating sort of scene before the weddings, and behold, you're having sex with a stranger in your parent's house and their blessings. And then you have kids and think of quitting your job because he's too busy to bring them up. And then you get fatter because all you do it stay at home because you have post-pregnancy depression. And you connect with friends who also have babies so that you can exchange newer traits of baby behavior. Then you also get fatter and also marginally happier because by then your husband is earning more money. So you trot in gk 1 in Dior sunglasses with your toddler in tow, thinking you're looking like Kate Moss. And then he cheats on you. You're shattered and then you cheat on him. Provided you're still easy on the eye, because everyone knows it's easier for men to get some as they get older. And you haven't read a book since the last 5 years. And the only music you listen to is on the radio. Or what your kid blares out of his computer. No wonder I'm terrified. Maybe it's better for some, but this is the likely scenario for most.
And for the beauty of motherhood, you only have to see a pregnancy documentary once to vow never to let out a baby out of your body. There are enough people already paying serious attention to the cause of reproduction. Not me. Not me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
says: