Tuesday, October 24

Why them?

Why is Sheila Dixit banning rickshaws? It's beyond me..What could be the warped up Congress logic behind stripping off 1 million honest labourers who wouldn't qualify as agricultural loanees as per Govt diktat,of their only source of livelihood? I heard about the continuing ban in Chandni Chowk and was surprised. Especially at the ludicrous reasoning of them being the harbinger of traffic jams. Then maybe shoppers and shop-keepers being allowed to park their cars in those narrow bylanes is somehow allright.
Don't they realize the lack of better alternatives? These men are the sole source of short -timed traveling within residential colonies and also near hospitals,schools... These places will then obviously have people resorting to their cars or autos , which however bizarre it may seem to me, is preferable to the Delhi Govt.
Where are they going to go? Commit suicide or become a problem of another sort?
And they complain as to why crime is rising in the city.

Just that...

She heard the music blaring over the phone. His strangely unfamilial voice pervaded through..''yeah..you called? I just entered a night club..it's crazy in here man, everything looks shot out of nowhere.'' She forcibly smiled over the telephone and then reminded herself of the uselessness of her action....he can't see her.

They were silent on the phone for a long time, hearing the resonating rap song between them. He was too hallucinatory to talk sense..and she did not know him anymore.
She silently prayed '' please don't lose out on who you are..it doesn't make sense if it doesn't leave you behind.'' A little more silence.

''How long has it been'' she asked. ''Well, tried it at 10 30...kinda time to wear out now don't you think?''.....yes, she thought, it's time but....'' you do remember the flight we have to catch up in 2 hours do you? My parents are going to be at the airport.'' ''oh yeah babe...just wake me up huh...or remind me in a bit..i remember it allright.''

hmm...nothing to talk about now. ''okay then...will wake you up. see ya'' and they hung up.
She cursed aloud within the darkened walls of her room. She knew it disconnects you...she knew he didn't need people for a while. But she's so stupid really, expecting him to fight the normal reactions. Is this the same man who cries jokingly whenever i have to hang up? Is he the same who would have ordinarily have the decency to step out of the night club to talk?

Well....it's so lonely in here...she hugged herself with her slender arms to induce some placid warmth....and she looked around the room. The alarm clock said 3. Well...so much work to do tomorrow and he probably wouldn't be there. And her parents...

She felt terribly sleepy...and tired..and wasted. but so much of work...and she's lonely. she finally sighed and fished through her wallet for the sheaf...carefully unfolding the creased package...she took out the white powder and started making lines......she methodically took a snort through the folded note and looked up. hmmm.it would start working in a bit...she could finally stay awake in front of her folks and last through the afternoon hopefully.
it's just that she's lonely you know...the last person didn't need her tonight...all because of her familial helpers.

Friday, October 20

Roman Candles.

Burning burning'bright'.....the flame will go on forever..from yellow to amber to orange to red...towards her eyes...towards his eyes..showed her the light perhaps..burnt bright..
And happy? Yes, happy.
Seems like it... musing, why so much intensity to inflame themselves like Huxley's 'flaming Roman candles'?
Somehow it expected something different after so much work..
Moments like needles...prick..prick....Remember a time when you wouldn't even understand what I'm saying?

She shuts the door.... so close to the flame..No...You have to see. Were you really expecting an ally? .... The laughter...

She wonders if the tremor was too noticeable today. Did they understand the silence? She wonders incessantly and then she starts weeping. Maybe I could be in there too.
Anyways , life is dragging on like a lie...some good and lots of bad. Snatches of peace and disaster... All for a song. Ha.
She wrenches her eyes and she's back in the car. In the boulevard.
Some hotel room... the candles , again,... And the white poster bed. But something else was happening.
So delusionary to reach there today. Even when he wasn't really there.
She found out that the number doesn't exist. And neither does his name.
And then she remembers all that she did .... with the flames.