Saturday, January 10

nu year

i really don't get this hoo-haa over new year's eve. what exacty is the big deal about a stupid year getting over, why does everyone has to fal over oneself to decide on the best possible plan to bring it in? I really got fried this time thinking of a paln sinmply because I wanted to curl up in bed on the 31st and no one would let me do that! so i did something entirely low-key...after 4 years, i actually went to delhi. Was in such a daze in the flight..since when have i started doing such things. but it was pretty much what i mummys food, order my brother around, talk to my dad about clothes and not venture out of the house. I'm fucking glad this bitch of a year is over, absolutely nothing good came out of it. i started to think of depressing, life-altering things a lot more, did a lot more drugs, my best friends moved out, didn't meet anyone interesting and had horrible money management. Also i stayed put in pune kidding myself that i gotta be there to attend college, which i never did due to which i didn't travel anywhere. discounting hampi that is. And i also had to send my dog sucked ass.

so it was obvious that I was hoping that 2009 will sweep me off my feet with lots of cool ground-breaking stuff. when things start to get fucked, you get superstitious. You're human. and so far, it's getting worse. I still haven't got a job, every cheesedick i meet, even the ones who never read a newspaper in their life is giving me worthless gyaan on how the 'markets' are so bad that i should just quit the chase. today i got my marksheet and flunked a paper for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE. fucking unbelievable. then this another horrible thing has happened which i cannot put on to this stupid blog. i'm so disillusioned that i've started drinking. So still haven't got out of my drunken haze to start working and planning on all the things I need to take care of, like studying for my interviews and blanking out on unnecessary people I anyways never needed in my life. Maybe I should also get less egoistical about relationships and not want things simply when they get out of my reach. People talk about men getting involved in the chase and the losing interest, I've been doing that forever now. And not it's finally started to affect me. And it's all happening together. Aaaaaaaaaahhhh. And some more

Even though I haven't met a half decent man since I was 14, I have finally hit across a best girlfriend and I really thank god for that. There's really nothing better than getting drunk with your best friend and going over and over about the same thing and nit-picking on the same points hoping to get a fresher perspective on it by 4 am. Since the loser doesn't smoke, I have to drink to converse with her on the same level. The things I do for her hmm...

Now am in bombay taking a break from the hell that is pune, but am already thinking of going back on monday when i have to stop thinking of all that is going wrong, get focussed, get totally clean, and handle it all till I get placed. Then I shall sleep on a beach, thank god, pinch myself that it's finally over and I've come through it, get stoned ot of my mind, not remember these last 6 months, not think about the next 4 years, not think of how my life will completely change, and remind myself that I was always a strong girl. This is all so tough. But I'll fucking do it.