Monday, May 12

Cheese is healthy if carbs are low

Er. Why is everyone on this insane health trip? It disgusts me. This friend of mine wants to be a model so he's given up wheat completely for the next 2 months! That means he doesn't eat bread, roti anything. Of course he claims that he's giving it up only for the next 2 months so that he achieves the perfect drool-worthy stomach, but judging from his past record of obsessiveness, there's no telling how far he'll continue this madness. I like to describe my sinfully unhealthy meals to him in detail so that life becomes unbearable for him. But he's got such ridiculous self control, he likes it if I exaggerate the taste so that he can make his mind stronger. God, that sounds as dumb as Gandhi sleeping with nubile teenagers to check his will power.
But I'm impressed by this incredible stupidity. And I seem to know a lot many of these freaks. Like best friend's brother who came to Pune and wanted the customary darshan. I took him to German Bakery because um..I don't go anywhere else. I know I know it's supposed to be some fruity health place .. they have pita and 'fresh' fruit juice ( balls! )cold coffee with no added sugar..everything made in brown bread. Basically anything you eat there feels like it's just been uprooted from some farm. It sucks. That's why the only thing I've ever had there are croissants and coffee. But that freak, who I thought would certifiably hate that place because of the white trash plus college smack addicts of Pune frequenting that place, he shockingly couldn't stop salivating. He went on to bore my eyeballs out by going on about the health benefits and calorie count of this and that. And then giving added gyaan on my unhealthy diet and why I shouldn't smoke if I ever want to hit the gym. Apparently it cancels out the benefits. Who cares. Who says I want to live till I'm 80. No one wants to be an 80 year old who wasn't 'adventurous' enough to eat butter chicken all her life.

I like people who work out. I like people who do anything I'm incapable of doing. So whenever I'm going for breakfast in the morning after staying awake the whole night, I always smile with guilt watching the purposeful joggers and gymmers. But anything upto a certain limit is good. But not when you don't eat aloo ka paranthas because it's unhealthy. WHAT THE FUCK. Are you Indian or what you goddamn pansy. These people are satisfied with eating bird food all through the day, stuff like cucumber slices and sprouts blah blah. I wonder how much of human working hours get wasted because these retards spend them on preparing meals that take more time and effort owing to them being uber healthy. Like the kind of salads these freaks eat, the effort that takes in procuring these ingredients depresses me. Are you trying to tell me tofu is easily available? These people clearly have a lot of faaltu time to decide on what has minimum damages and then set out to find that and then make an unappetizing meal out of that. I was stuck at that guy's house in Bombay and was starving for lunch. He was happily eating a bowl of sprouts with carrot juice. As if that's food. As if that will give you enough energy to do anything productive. Ya, sweetheart, I eat this only. *insert gay I wanna be a model momeeeee smile* I knew you wouldn't eat this. You're so unhealthy. You'll regret it sweetheart. Er, hell yes I won't eat that you fruitcake. Where is my risotto.
Also this whole thing of how I'll regret it. What exactly will I regret? That I'm having 3 square meals a day. That I'm fighting against urban stress, exams, stupid people, bad weather and am giving myself the required energy to do all that by having proper food. It makes me sad to see this. We all see people everyday who would be thankful for any nutrition, any food. Why are things so twisted that the ones who have the means are just not interested.If you're so health conscious, why don't you donate your wasted food to someone else? But no, they'd rather spend it on personal trainers and one membership because that gym is good and another one because that one has a better pool.Whatever. I guess everyone's entitled to spend their money in whichever way but some things are just too unfair.
Maybe I would think differently if my body required me to work out? I know if I get fat, it'll send me on a religious trip to the gym.
Still, I'm never going to a gym. Only after I'm 30.
My discovery for today is that cheese is very healthy. So I was being a good girl and I didn't even know it. But it doesn't matter if you have bread with it. Hmmm. There goes my dream of living on bread cheese and wine and still look fabulous.

Saturday, May 3


My dad actually wanted me to go to that flower market with him. Somewhere in CP it was, it's like a phool mandi. Am I mad? At 5 in the morning. Nowadays I have to wake up at 6 every morning because OD starts prancing around the room in anticipation. The morbid fear of him crapping in the house, which I know he'll never do, forces me out of bed. I'm amazed. Never in my life have I woken up at 6 for anything.
Um. I realize that I'm not saying anything of importance but I just have to document my life. Hahahaha. So that I remember I woke up for my dog at least, if not for anyone else.
I met my school friends some days back. Mr D is so cute, he actually picked me up and then later dropped me back. I think he sought inspiration from Mr V who used to do this all the time in school because after 8 pm all my driver used to start whining to go back to their wives. But bechara. I sit at home and twiddle my thumbs while he's driving around Delhi after work so that we can hang out for 3 hours. Some of my friends are so brilliant it makes me misty. Other than that, real boring men are hitting on me. But I also haven't seen any interesting men in this city. All of them look like mamma's boys, or metrosexual nightmares, or pinker than me, or boarding school relics. There's no other category. But I think Delhi women have really become much better. Like all of them are so well dressed and pretty and all. I think I should switch.


Albert Hoffman passed away. Some dickheads on my Facebook have posted stuff like Albert baba I'll miss you. Yes you dickhead, yehin kasar baaki reh gayi thi. Aur thoda wannabe ho jao. You fucking knew him personally that you so badly miss him? Such bullshit all over, I feel bad that a great scientist passed away. He's given a lot of people a third perspective, even if it happened accidentally.


Have been listening to such music lately, hmmm, I need a break from the darkness. I downloaded this because I like the name Ananda for a man, and of course he's Uday Shankar's son. What an album. Usually I don't rely on best of compilations but since I don't know anything about him thought this would be a good place to start. Wanted to listen to something on the lines of a sitar, but already have most of the Ravi Shankar albums. This is horribly underrated. Bhaiyo aur beheno, please check it out.
And yes, if you've already heard this and like it. Please. Meet me. Let's go for a drink.