Sunday, September 30

Dear Diary..

So me and Stud boy and Hyderabadi are in a perpetual state of fluidity. It's like I'm going from this to that but it's not touching me you know. Bah. So finally now the maal is over so I thought I'll see how the world has changed in the last 4 days. Next time I see the world again will be after 4 more days because Hyderabadi will not disappoint me tonight. Of course the powercut laid on us since 8 in the morning contributes to this sojourn. I've been screaming out loud to Stud boy that this is a fucking village because they have long-drawn powercuts man. I mean where does that happen anyway? Didn't this ridiculous place admonish a friend that he can't possibly hang his boxers in the balcony because this is not a fucking chawl you people. What would you know, you illiterate village buffoon. Well guess what, it IS a fucking chawl. There's no fucking water, and now the electricity is giving away too. The guard tells me that I ought to stop paying rent because there's no way in hell I'm getting my obscenely priced deposit back because the broker is a madarchod. The point of all that is that it is a fucking chawl. So then Stud boy reminded me that I ought to stop being hi-brow since Delhi has maximum powercuts on a country level.
So we have back-up man. We can't feel it.

Yeah, so you can get back-up here.

Yeah, just like I can get an AC.

Jokes. Why doesn't Bombay have any powercuts anyway? What's so great about Bombay?
Anyways so me and Stud Boy was talking of how we've been smoking together since the Stone Age and isn't it fucking brilliant. It is actually, if you don't look at it from a perspective that gives me a head-ache. This Nepali guy came over and asked me if I'm really enjoying myself. While I was rolling. So I'm like yes I get what you are saying but I'm not ashamed. You're sitting here feeling up this girl because you finally got a stranger's pad to feel her up. And you both are cheating on your respective partners. And YOU are judging ME? Sweet.
So there was this guy, let's call him Politico. He used to come over and finish everything everytime he had a break-up. It used to annoy some of us because he never used to score. But then you think that it's good that everyone is not scoring and getting wasted because that would be insane. So you let him rip you off. Now this guy has alternate spells of smoking and not smoking, depending on the girl he's dating. Now he's in some fucked up scene with this girl who drives me up the wall. She sounds like a squirrel and tries to be a smart-ass when I'm around. And then tells him not to hang out with me behind my back. And that is because I told him to get done with her for good after she cheated on him and then treated him like a wuss in front of everyone he knew by dangling that pathetic fuck buddy of hers. But now she's got back to her senses because Politico has got a great place and a car and other pretty stuff Bihari girls lust after. It's so funny to see him womble and get embarrassed over nothing. I know he's a loser in love. It's okay. It would be funnier if that bitch could open her mouth in front of me because she's so mentally weak that I can fuck her while I'm fixing a lighter. But no such drama. Sigh.
Then there was this other guy me and Stud boy knew, and he was a darling. He used to score once a month and come back with 2 huge bags. And you never had to step out. He just used to lech, um, in an acceptable way, which I eventually got used to. Stud boy was then my boyfriend and used to get hassled over the whole situation.And it was hilarious because I knew he'll do nothing except fuck my head over it. Now this guy makes launch-pads for missiles and eats butter chicken every night and smokes twice a month. I met him last week, him wearing a blue shirt and beige trousers. Oh man. It was a sight, as if he can't believe that his boxers are tightening up on their own.
Then there were others but I don't remember them. Most of them are classified as cheapskates or easy going. There was this idiot who used to throw up after 3 drags and then blame it on a Gold Flake he smoked in the after noon that messed up his throat. Ya right. Sardars can sometimes be so creative with bullshit. And this other guy who started smoking after I dumped him. Before that he used to hold his stomach complaining that he's drinking too much because I'm harming myself and he'll die because of me so can I please stop killing myself. I smoked up once with him after we broke up, and I don't know if he was trying to convey his allegiance to the 'cause' or something, but he kept breaking the circle and reaching for the stick as if it was candy. For a little kid. It drove me crazy enough to humiliate him a bit more by not giving him any until he heard out a list of rules by me. And he also made the worst joints. They were always too weak, or burning one way or too loose. Which is cool because if you suck at something then you just do right. But this retard had to insist on rolling everything and ask me stupid questions like have you had datura? So want to do coke with me blah blah blah. I wouldn't smoke a cigarette with that asshole. That's so pathetic. These people who claim to HATE something and then use it to suck up to you.
So now there's this Hyderabadi guy who is real funny. He apparently hasn't called his girlfriend in two months because he's trying to get something here. But he knows that he's going to get married to her because she wears salwar kameez. Ah. Some things never change. But he's nice. And also thinks that he's the best looking South Indian boy around. Ha ha ha ha.

Monday, September 17

Just what is it that is so darn annoying about Ganesh Chaturthi? Is it the generous splattering of the pandals after every kilometer? Or perhaps the sight of half-naked, drunk men dancing on Himesh songs on most of these pandals? Or the pink water that is splashed on exactly the same men from a system of sprinklers fastened on top of poles? I just have no idea. It’s like it’s impossible to pick the best one. I’ve seen Diwali in most North and West Indian states and it’s nothing like this. Even Durga Puja in Calcutta is civil, Bengalis being themselves. Is this some sort of a phenomena that only happens here? The matter being in question the obscenely exaggerated method of celebrating festivals. Even those that have absolutely nothing to do with one’s own religion. I’ve seen this crap on Durga Puja and Christmas too. I understand that the Shiv Sainiks need a booze party in close intervals but why must it have a religious connotation that makes anyone who has a problem with it look like a racist and secessionist prick?
So you can’t say anything in Maharashtra because oh look this State contributes so much tax and the people are generally intolerant about their Gods and warriors so you better not mess with them. Cool, so if I have an insane desire to discuss Shivaji and his conquests in an auto-rickshaw, then I would do so in English. And Muslims shouldn’t really be blamed for their intolerance because oh look the whole fucking world is scheming against them and there are a few chosen people who have to save the day from infidels. So if they paralyze machinery across countries because someone made a Prophet cartoon in some Danish newspaper, then it ought to be totally understood on grounds of secularism, the number of Muslims reading Danish newspapers being what it is. And if M.F. Hussain desires to paint Hindu goddesses in the nude, then for humanity’s sake let him because he’s the most successful artist we’ve ever had and he can’t possibly be expected to explain himself as those Gods belong to India as a whole and we are just the sort of community that likes to be made a joke of. And why do you ask him if he would dare to paint a similar portrait of the Prophet, considering the artist in question has been a devout Muslim his entire life and it would certainly seem more reasonable for him to think of him as a religious figure at times of artistic inspiration? But don’t you know that Muslims are intolerant of that as they can’t make an image of their God and c’mon..we ought to respect that.
So if everyone’s feelings and faith are so widely acknowledged, then why do Hindus get the raw deal? Now I haven’t been to a temple in years, do not know the Gayatri Mantra and am generally agnostic. This is not a question of ‘my people’ and ‘my side’ being treated badly. But even a person like me is incensed at this whole Ram Sethu controversy. Something like this can only happen if the Congress is in power. Why do you have keep hitting against a section of the population just to see how long it’ll take before they get pissed off? The Ramayana may not mean much to me and I would be doubtful of its entire existence. Just like I don’t believe that Muhammad recited the entire Quran in someone’s ear. But the story is so entrenched in my childhood that I always stop and watch if I pass a Ram Lila during Dusshera because it reminds me of my Grandmother. It reminds me of even when she was close to losing all her sensory abilities, her face would still light up in the morning on the way to the temple. And she would sit with us on Dusshera and recount of all that Ram did, and how Sita was the most perfect wife ever. And how Hanuman actually tore his heart out …. And she would be excited. And that was because she was passing on something to me. This was right up with putting mehndi and oil in my hair. And for an illiterate woman who felt confused with my life beyond the house, it was satisfying to pass on heritage. It doesn’t matter to her if, hypothetically, I do believe the Ramayana, then I would surely be disgusted with Sita’s subservience. And declare Ram to be a chauvinist who took so much out of the poor woman, much less a man worthy of worship.
But this is what religion gives to most people. You cannot question the existence for people who believe in what it does for them. It’s like you cannot imagine life without computers, faith is exactly that for more people than you can ever imagine, and it wasn’t even invented in the near past. And if we are mature enough to give it to most religions, then why not Hinduism? Inviting an American agency like NASA to comment on the veracity of the story that is intrinsic to the faith of so many people? Why the hell should they be allowed to decide if the bridge was actually built or not? Are Indian scientists called to comment on the existence of Christ? Or, are navigators called to comment on that? Now it’s just a sleet of corals and let’s not be agitated over that. This is not about the point of having a huge maritime project on a site like that. Technology and money has altered our perception enough for the project to make a lot of sense and even be accepted. But not when all that you believe in is debunked because it’s convenient to do it.

I’ve started watching cricket again. And it’s so much fun to just sit at home and scream like an idiot and have such a wonderful feeling of oneness with everyone around me. Yeah man, the new team is all killer stuff and all Pakis suck. You just say that and life is all bright again. Am I the only one who thinks bowl outs are friggin stupid? Although it was a lot of fun to scream out loud everytime Pakistan missed it, or alternately when India hit it. Now I know why Sehwag was laughing so much. Oooh, look at these dumb fucks, they have all fast paced bowlers, we got spinners, we know how it works so they are suckers. But its fun in an Indo-Pak match, pretty soon it’s going to get so boring because everyone will figure out tricks and it’ll be pointless. And really, it’s like gulley cricket. At least they should have a batsman there. Don’t make it look like a bad copy of football. But oh wait, I’m a woman commenting on cricket. Aaaaah.