Sunday, September 30

Dear Diary..

So me and Stud boy and Hyderabadi are in a perpetual state of fluidity. It's like I'm going from this to that but it's not touching me you know. Bah. So finally now the maal is over so I thought I'll see how the world has changed in the last 4 days. Next time I see the world again will be after 4 more days because Hyderabadi will not disappoint me tonight. Of course the powercut laid on us since 8 in the morning contributes to this sojourn. I've been screaming out loud to Stud boy that this is a fucking village because they have long-drawn powercuts man. I mean where does that happen anyway? Didn't this ridiculous place admonish a friend that he can't possibly hang his boxers in the balcony because this is not a fucking chawl you people. What would you know, you illiterate village buffoon. Well guess what, it IS a fucking chawl. There's no fucking water, and now the electricity is giving away too. The guard tells me that I ought to stop paying rent because there's no way in hell I'm getting my obscenely priced deposit back because the broker is a madarchod. The point of all that is that it is a fucking chawl. So then Stud boy reminded me that I ought to stop being hi-brow since Delhi has maximum powercuts on a country level.
So we have back-up man. We can't feel it.

Yeah, so you can get back-up here.

Yeah, just like I can get an AC.

Jokes. Why doesn't Bombay have any powercuts anyway? What's so great about Bombay?
Anyways so me and Stud Boy was talking of how we've been smoking together since the Stone Age and isn't it fucking brilliant. It is actually, if you don't look at it from a perspective that gives me a head-ache. This Nepali guy came over and asked me if I'm really enjoying myself. While I was rolling. So I'm like yes I get what you are saying but I'm not ashamed. You're sitting here feeling up this girl because you finally got a stranger's pad to feel her up. And you both are cheating on your respective partners. And YOU are judging ME? Sweet.
So there was this guy, let's call him Politico. He used to come over and finish everything everytime he had a break-up. It used to annoy some of us because he never used to score. But then you think that it's good that everyone is not scoring and getting wasted because that would be insane. So you let him rip you off. Now this guy has alternate spells of smoking and not smoking, depending on the girl he's dating. Now he's in some fucked up scene with this girl who drives me up the wall. She sounds like a squirrel and tries to be a smart-ass when I'm around. And then tells him not to hang out with me behind my back. And that is because I told him to get done with her for good after she cheated on him and then treated him like a wuss in front of everyone he knew by dangling that pathetic fuck buddy of hers. But now she's got back to her senses because Politico has got a great place and a car and other pretty stuff Bihari girls lust after. It's so funny to see him womble and get embarrassed over nothing. I know he's a loser in love. It's okay. It would be funnier if that bitch could open her mouth in front of me because she's so mentally weak that I can fuck her while I'm fixing a lighter. But no such drama. Sigh.
Then there was this other guy me and Stud boy knew, and he was a darling. He used to score once a month and come back with 2 huge bags. And you never had to step out. He just used to lech, um, in an acceptable way, which I eventually got used to. Stud boy was then my boyfriend and used to get hassled over the whole situation.And it was hilarious because I knew he'll do nothing except fuck my head over it. Now this guy makes launch-pads for missiles and eats butter chicken every night and smokes twice a month. I met him last week, him wearing a blue shirt and beige trousers. Oh man. It was a sight, as if he can't believe that his boxers are tightening up on their own.
Then there were others but I don't remember them. Most of them are classified as cheapskates or easy going. There was this idiot who used to throw up after 3 drags and then blame it on a Gold Flake he smoked in the after noon that messed up his throat. Ya right. Sardars can sometimes be so creative with bullshit. And this other guy who started smoking after I dumped him. Before that he used to hold his stomach complaining that he's drinking too much because I'm harming myself and he'll die because of me so can I please stop killing myself. I smoked up once with him after we broke up, and I don't know if he was trying to convey his allegiance to the 'cause' or something, but he kept breaking the circle and reaching for the stick as if it was candy. For a little kid. It drove me crazy enough to humiliate him a bit more by not giving him any until he heard out a list of rules by me. And he also made the worst joints. They were always too weak, or burning one way or too loose. Which is cool because if you suck at something then you just do right. But this retard had to insist on rolling everything and ask me stupid questions like have you had datura? So want to do coke with me blah blah blah. I wouldn't smoke a cigarette with that asshole. That's so pathetic. These people who claim to HATE something and then use it to suck up to you.
So now there's this Hyderabadi guy who is real funny. He apparently hasn't called his girlfriend in two months because he's trying to get something here. But he knows that he's going to get married to her because she wears salwar kameez. Ah. Some things never change. But he's nice. And also thinks that he's the best looking South Indian boy around. Ha ha ha ha.

6 comments:

bobo said...

hah. zzzzap.

ouch. my head hurts from all the deep breathing.

The Dude said...

hahahaha! :D
i love good stoner stories... ive known so many such lazy asses, bullshitters and mooches over the years, its amusing more than anything how many there are!
personally im pretty laid back and believe in share and share alike, but there are limits.. i mean to smoke my maal is fine with me, but always leave the host at least one roll at the end, its the decent thing to do!
and the wannabes! dont even get me started, i see them and do my best not to crack up in their faces. i just cant understand why youd do this to be cool?
maybe its cos i never did, its just something ive enjoyed always, irrespective of what others think, but maybe thats just me..
good to read about this side of you, you sound like my kinda smoker!
cheers...

Electric Shaman said...

fuck stoners version of kyunki saas!! At least it kept me awake in a meeting.. And its good to hear about dope when all I am doing is drinking scotch and getting old.

Renovatio said...

I'd say one of the things common to them all would be the amount of blatant bullshit they're capable of spewing out, to the extent they believe it themselves.

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