Sunday, April 13

Doggie trail

Why are Indians so horribly uncivilized on airports? They seem to be bearable in buses, even trains..maybe I'm biased towards trains because you sort of expect it to be a battle so any kind of behaviour fails to match up to your exaggerated expectations. But airports is another thing altogether. I'm so royally ticked off that I might just give up traveling by air altogether. Till the time I can afford to fly business class and consequently, won't have to bother with the sabzi mandi bullshit. Now Delhi crowd can't get better than the kind that's on business hours Jet or Kingfisher flights. So all these crew cut yuppies carry bulky laptop bags, always have a carefully cultivated look of being busy, and wear ugly shirts with ugly shoes. We know that all of them are probably flying on business with the company footing the bill and so, financially comfortable. Or there are huge gay Delhi families, aunties with daughters and chachas to take care of the women folk. Now why do people like me so wary of traveling with families? I'm not some gift from above, have a family too. And we travel too. But we aren't lucky or gay enough to have 15 assorted members on a same flight. How can that be possible? How can 15 people be required for anything at one point of time? Except perhaps marriages.
So my point is that all these people are literate good family type earning well people. But5 there are some traits that won't escape them...

1. So maybe the check in desk is going to shut but it doesn't matter because you have your boarding pass anyway. So you pass through security check and are so flustered by the fact that you'll miss your flight that you bang into the woman in front of you, hand over your ticket and run towards the aircraft. In the course of which that bitch had no time to apologize...of course not sirreee, because she's so busy. Busy enough to make another phone call before actually getting on to the flight.

2. Indians and phones. sigh...the way they fit together. Now as soon as the plane lands, everyone is going to remove their seat belt and switch on their phones. While the seat belt sign is on. While the plane is still moving. The whole problem with these retards is this urgent need for being important. Like we have people waiting for us outside and they are illiterate sods who can't possible inquire flight details from airport no. We PERSONALLY have to call mummy, wife, driver, associate that yes I have landed and the plane is going to halt now and I just have to collect my baggage now. WTF!!!! It's a small thing but it burns my blood. Everyone has an emotional fear of being faaltu in India. What's the big deal if no one calls you? What is the whole idea of talking to someone on the phone as soon as you land even if no one is actually picking you up and you'll hail a cab anyway. Are these people fused with burnt brain nerves...

3. As soon as the plane halts, everyone will get up. EveryFUCKINGone. They'll stand in the aisles and take out their top baggage. If you're sitting in between someone, the chut on your right would want to give you an incredulous look because you refuse to conform to this ridiculous herd mentality, and then hurriedly ask you to give him way. So that he can take his bag from top and then stand on your near, very near left. Towards the aisle...right on top of your fucking head. And everyone is going to stand like that, sometimes for 15 minutes because everyone knows that it usually takes that much time for the runway to get installed. But they'll stand anyway.

4. If 5 people are traveling together, all of them will hog the baggage claim. So you have thousands of people hovering over the line, with their fucking servants and trolleys in tow. Why can't you put your trolley at the back of the line, take your goddamn bags and then put it on? What is the idea behind blocking the way for everyone else. And if you see your bag from the back of all these 6ft3 chuts, you can shout to be excused, which they'll comprehend after 5 minutes. By then the bag has moved on..then you run with it. Spot some 2 inch space in the front and scream aloud to be given way. While you're lugging your 20 kilo ka bag on your own because c'monnn how can you claim women equality and all that and then expect people to pick your bags after you, then some man comes right behind you to look at his luggage. While he can fucking see that I'm taking my stuff out, he still DOES IT. And then you scream...and declare him to be a motherfucker. Aaaah....Welcome to Delhi no.

Um. Why is this post called so? There's nothing like walking away from your dog's sad brown eyes while leaving...he knows, you know he knows. It kills me.


The Dude said...

Tell me about it, I actually hate air travel in India because it highlights the most annoying parts of being Indian.
Admittedly, trains and buses have their share of shove and pull and all that, but by and large you get your own space and either youre left alone or you have a little community thing going. Planes on the other hand have even less space to sit, no windows for when the achaars come out and the belches and farts begin (no to mention that some folks just have horrendous odours to begin with!) and you are stuck sitting with idiots you cant get away from while the guy in front jams his seat into your chest!
I think its the annoyance and stress inducing factor that makes it such a harrowing experience. And all the observations youve made just provide the truth about the moronic behaviour of most of these jack-asses.. personally I always ask for window seats and stay there until the idiots have gotten off.
And Im not even gonna start on cell phones! I tend to really hate the obsession with them that people have here and sometimes wish the telecom networks would collapse. Then id sit on my roof with a cold beer and laugh as the city screamed! :D sadistic, i know, but they aggravate me so!
ok, im gonna stop now.. great post, really brought out a lot of great points.

bobo said...

love the post. and as said, sometimes i just want to shove their cellphones down their throats. there's this glee which people seem to derive from keeping their phones on during the flight. whether they're sticking it to the man or what, i don't want to know, but really.. why??

and what little peace can be derived on flights is going to be killed in the near future with flights allowing phones to be switched on.

LostLittleGirl said...

dude : I'm so glad to find kindred spirit. There ought to be special flights now for people who hate phones. I'll join you on that balcony laughing moment...if ever it happens..
That space thing about trains and buses is so true..who would've thought. For once, something cheaper is actually the better option. lol

bobo: It's just the urban illiteracy. I don't know the extent to which phones affect the signals that pilots try to intercept. But if someone tells you not to do it, it ought to be true. Funny thing is Indian passengers are the most impatient and keep on cribbing about government undertakings and the lack of customer service, they fucking are so clueless about everything, don't follow safety regulations and if something goes wrong, are the first ones to start naare baazi.
Yeah, sounds like a nightmare. Kingfisher will start and rest will follow. I'll just get a backpacking boyfriend and start some credit system with a national bus network. I'll be sorted...hehehehe

whitelight said...

heheh uncivilized on airports!!!!????uncivilized everywhere.