One leg of the placements is over. I still can't believe I actually got in, No, I have no ill-disguised ideas about my genius, but I spoke like such a rabid feminist to a panel of 3 men that it wasn't funny. Yes, Punjabi men kill little girls. Yes, you men are doing all these horrible things. We had it so tough man. There are various ways of female infanticide, strangling underwater being the most popular. I admire Medha Padkar. Really now. That last one is embarrassing, I was also asked about the woman I admire, the answer to that question will NOT be revealed on this blog. It makes me sound like a Miss India finalist. But originality doesn't come easily when you forget how to frame normal sentences out of nervousness.
Hmmm. I never thought I'd be looking out for a job. Not so soon at least. And not to boring as being a lawyer in some firm working 8 to 11. I secretly hoped that I'd give in to my psychotic tendencies and leave my 5 year course midway to do something bizarre. But it never happened. I'm too chicken for an alternative career. The problem is when you don't really know what else you can do? I'm picking out my city of choice like a raffle ticket, it doesn't help that I'll probably have 1 best friend and 4-5 people I steadfastly ignore living there. But when I started this wild chase before coming to Pune, looking at these 5 years now...it all seems well spent. I pretty much got everything that I wanted out of this time in my life. So hopefully things to come won't disappoint.

Che told me that I just need him, and habit is never enough. I don't know how to make him understand. The whole idea of love has been cheapened now, god knows how many people I've been in love with at different points of time. There is no way to know if I value someone for their presence or for who they are. Momentary comfort has always worked for me. But this is permanent. And most of the times, there's nothing comfortable about it. Maybe he'll get it one day. Love is okay, but need is better.

No Smoking

I've been talking a lot about this new health directive from October 2 with a feeling of impending doom. My faith in my country has been certifiably smashed to bits. Why aren't there any mass protests over this? Is India really made up of so many non - smokers that no one really gives a damn. Or maybe everyone thinks that this will sink in too like the numerous other rulings. But this wouldn't. This is going to become like how Mumbai cops have so diligently decided to bring every case of drunken driving to book. That makes sense. Blowing smoke in the air and harming others (apparently) is a lot less scandalous than being a bad driver and then heightening your chances of killing people by downing some.
I remember how the clinical feel of Singapore drove me up the wall. And then stupid Dubai. Never would have thought that ANY government would achieve the unbelievable feat of instituting a ban on public smoking in an Arab country. But they did. I think it's all a case of talking too much about a good thing. Never would this happen in India. We respect our people and their brains. Fine, you cannot smoke at airports and railway stations. But this is revolting. Imagine going to Blues, my growing up drinking haunt, and now some cute waiter is going to tell me not to smoke there. Imagine having a great dinner and then you can't light up there. There will be nothing as a smoking section. If I go to yet another cramped club because some commercial friends of mine force me to, I won't be able to chain smoke to ward off my boredom, or frustration or whatever. Now when I meet some new group of people in a new place, I wouldn't be able to smoke to keep myself from feeling awkward. Fuck. Where is the love. And about it being harmful, of course it is. So is alcohol. And a dozen other things. This hypocrisy doesn't sit too well with me. I had a lot of stuff on how smoking (marijuana) is actually less harmful than drinking alcohol, but um, it's not there on this computer and I should really study for my placements. Also, India is such a wonderful country where women are still not allowed to smoke a cigarette in peace without being given the oh god you're an immoral bitch stare. Wonder how much I'll step out on the street to smoke one. I'm so disappointed. I thought we were free. To harm ourselves in whatever way we want.