Oh sister...

So anyways the dreaded call of late came again. my brother asking for those special favors. Aaaarrrrghhhhhh.
Why oh why do i do it? I haven't exactly grown up with him, never been close to him...our relationship could be strictly classified into 'legally consenting drinking adults who don't talk things of any depth'. but I do realize that a major reason I take all this rigmarole every bloody time is because a) there's a limit to which I can make excuses about ignoring a relative's incessant calls , and b) helping him through this sex life makes me feel like Mother Superior, and that is obviously because I'm patronizing of his juvenile quotient....

So everytime this dim-witted cousin's sex scene with his equally dim-wiited girlfriends gets screwed..he gives me a call..to negotiate...mediate..promises me the world and things close to it... and basically convince those dumb bitches to get laid with him again...
It all starts with his frantic call, usually on days I got nothing to do, which is quite often in this blasted city..so I foolishly agree...(mind thinking free drinks, free food, and mindless conversation...fluttering wildly) he starts off with the usual" arrey why would she do this?" " do you think I'm wrong in ANY way?" "I can't marry her now no, gotta set up my career and all that" and the most frequent...." gotta buy a mercedes in two years" .... har har har har
Career in question being whatever remained of it after his LLM from london and being scared shitless at the thought of the actual process of 'doing a job' ..blehhhh.... so obviously our darling spoilt brat from 'zeee industrial family like the reliance you know' decided to join one of daddy's numerous businesses, the one having no semblance to law whatsoever of course, him having realized after 4 years of pursuing it that he's not exactly cut out for it.....
And of course after that..usual delhi munda crap...clubbing..scoring girls...booking hotel rooms to fuck coz joint family scene back home...promising dumb punju girls( ok no offense, but its surprising HOW many of them are at the receiving end of such men)the world=marriage....and everyone living happily ever after till the girl clams up....

Enterrrrsssss the worldly cousin with history of fucked up relationships but can still furnish very logical -sounding love advice .... so I call her ...
Even though she's irritating
Even though she shortens my perfectly acceptable long bengali name to a puke-inducing abbreviation
Even though she sings and never talks....like hiiiiiiiiii...howwwww arrre youuuuu

Anyways, a woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do. So here the ..lets call her stupidrichgirl starts talking about how she lovvvvvvves my brother...and detests his family because they are so 'downmarket'..and wouldn't it be cool if after marriage she me and cousin live together like one dysfunctional family? ( gagssss...) ...I add how thats not feasible...what with me and him being first cousins and all...
Then she begins to ramble on about the uncouthness of their character, and how gk is not like that, and if she gets stuck in a joint family scene how the fuck will she smoke..and asks me to tell bro to get a 8 fuckin carat platinum ring for their engagement( this after 2 months fucking!) ... and how she lovvvves the immediate family...and not the rest...and how he's gotta move out..and how she knows he can't live without her...but she still gotta test him no...so that he makes her meet folks and settle scene....
Hmmmmmmm.
NOW if she was a smart woman..I woulda told her what a motherfucker my brother is, even though he's my brother, and urge her to take my wise word for it and scoot!
but smart she's obviously not....so I start babbling about how he loves her and will do as she says and all and so will she please cut with the crap now and start screwing him like before?

Finally it all worked out. They are at The Grand again,fucking. Hmmm.
But it's sort of sad that I have a bastard for a brother, the sort of guy I would take great pleasure in humiliating in public and try to push his buttons...the kind of man I would plot to kill for his decadent and MCP idealogies...the kind of guy I would never visualize myself talking with...

What's sadder is that these women are so fuckin stupid. They don't see jackshit. Now stupidrichgirl is some 12th pass who didnt manage to do college coz she ran away with her then boyfriend and got married in a temple! husband called parents and showed thhaaaaa truuuuuueee collllorsss..if you want to save your reputation and have her safely married, then give me this and this much money to finance this and this business....
Very filmy but true.
Now stupidrichgirl has been fucked up ever since. She knws her mistake all too well...what with her folks making a big deal of trying to hide the previous marriage from all and sundry... and she's now clingy and desperate at 26 having no job no life no ambition other than to get married.
And its sad that she's doing it again. I feel like kicking myself in the gut when my assholecousin instructs me exactly how to lie to her..regarding marriage and all so that he can manage another 2 months of sex...and he shrugs off when I naively ask him if he'll really marry her ..." Yaaaa right, she's good for girlfriend no? Not wifey type. too modern. What with past history and all"

Yes of course. Fuck. Why the FUCK is delhi like THIS? Men talking about how much money with whom and calling non-virgins second-rate..its fucking pissing off.