Thursday, June 25

2009 Fuck you

You know what I really really hate. Whiners. I fucking hate whiners. And you know what I hate more than whiners, whiners who have nothing to whine about. And I also hate self-involved super sensitive people who love to discuss their problems, and whatever you tell them they always have a bigger and a more depressing incident to recount. Maybe it pisses me off more because I only crib to myself, or to the mirror and don't see the point of boring people with all that is wrong with my life. If you have any degree of common sense, you would know that no one really gives a shit and most people really want you to hurry up so that they can purge their sad events later. And I'm not talking of bad people, these are traits of nice normal healthy people who all of us know and meet everyday. So let's say that I've taken a lot of shit from my friends. And of every kind. Because even though I've had perennial issues with getting along with most, once I warm up to you, I feel guilty if I don't listen to you recount stories about heart-break over a guy you've met twice, or about how you've been partying four days straight but life is so complicated and difficult for you since you wanted to be a fashion designer after all. Now I may smirk inwards, or mentally pull my hair out, or hold back tears from my voice or my eyes from the phone because something way more serious and crushing happened to me 2 minutes back, I will still hear everything you say and try to cheer you up. There isn't even any reason for me not to tell you my shit, But I just can't! So I will proceed to hear your drone, give you advice, support, fake some smiley sound, and throw around pillows in frustration after that. Why do I do all this lame stuff. I'm so used to it that now the whole 'venting out' process makes me feel naked in front of someone else. I just can't open up like that. But this year has been particularly bad. No wait this year has stank and I know that it's going to get worse. But breaking my self-imposed silence is not going to happen, because few people have guilt issues like I do, or have the ability to make out when your friends need help. I don't know if I'm with the wrong people, I don't know what it is. But now I feel like making a check-list of all that has already gone wrong this year so that I earn the right to whine. Yes, in my world, you need to back up your misery as well.

1. Hmm. Something's that's never happened before which is best not mentioned here.
2. 17 years of education, and I flunked a paper for the first time
3. It's halfway down the year, and I'm still not gainfully employed.
4. I'm living at home. Everyone I know has extended life to cities with no parents.
5. I get constant calls from people I want to avoid who insist on recounting how much fun they all are having. It makes me sick
6. I've lost my camera. Have had it for 4 years now. Not just that, have been losing something or other that's vitally important every other week. Which is bizarre since I have photographic memory and this kind of stuff never happens with me.
7. Final semester, and all the fools in college have scored more than me. Even though I busted my ass and never cheated. I know it fucking makes me sound like a baby who never cheats in exams but I'm so fucking pissed right now that I don't give a shit about how I sound. All that stupid shit about hard work paying off is all bullshit, other things do the job very nicely. And it's crazy how this type who never worked to deserve those grades will proudly or modestly announce them to you. Either way, I have no respect you and it makes me want to curl up in bed for a week.
8. I'm secretly and slowly realizing that maybe I'm not as smart as I thought. THAT IS SCARY SHIT.

Hm. That's all I can remember right now. I hate this year, I hope it gets lost fast. Hopefully with less assholes who feel sorry for themselves calling me up as well. Man this year, if I can survive and help myself without going incognito, it'll be a miracle.


Ricercar said...

hey, i'm sorry to hear about your paper. wont flood you with gyaan (unless you want me too) so will keep shut. things will get better or pass though, they usually do. about the whiners, i think its sometimes healthy to whine a bit and let it out of your system. i guess most of us do sometime or to someone ... but its so annoying to deal with people who do it all the time!

The Dude said...

its nice to see someone else with the same reactions to people who just are pissing off without meaning to be and the severe stupidity of people in general who are convinced that their petty little sadness is world-ending.
As far as friends go, well only you can be the judge as to whether they are the right people for you or not - me, Ive always been picky, Im only close to you if I want to be and if I like you enough, the rest are acquaintances and sort-of friends who I dont even feel bad about ignoring when I dont want to see them.. nothing personal, but everyone needs space and Im only sacrificing mine for people I like if at all. But thats me..

You sound like my sis though who always sits and listens to every putz who wants to piss and moan about how they are depressed and suicidal because their daddy doesnt get them :P
All I can say is what I tell her - stop talking this stuff so personally, dont let these people get to you and dont get over-attached to people who will use you as their emotional tear-sponge to bitch at. Thats a right only your closest and dearest friends have and in my view, that kind of friend will never take undue advantage of you for any of these things, definately not all the time...

And as far as the exam thing goes, well i went through school and college being the guy all my teachers thought was o bright he could do anything, got mediocre grades and today am the guy all those kids who did better then me look at and ask for advice, information and ideas.. im the guy who sat with a physics MA student and debated for 2 hours straight..
Grades are a measure yes, but they are not THE measure.. people cheat, people get lucky, there is standardised test correction and a number of reasons why someone with intelligence will lose out to someone who can rote the book backwards..
If you know you're intelligent and trust in your own mind, no one can take that from you, and fuck them for trying. Its all you and from just this blog Ive never found you to be anything but smart, perceptive, sensitive and tasteful. I may be wrong, but not likely by too much. ;)


White Magpie said...

All this whining and you hate whiners? :) Just kidding..

There are two things most people love to do

1 - Largesse contest - my cock is bigger than yours. doesnt matter whether it is your sorrow, happiness or material thing.

2 - Give advice - Everyone just loves to be a teacher

Baaki sab theek hain Lost. It's not the end of the world. You have heapsa time to enjoy the ride..Point 8 was insight.

LostLittleGirl said...

ricercar: Arre noo..I flunked last sem and cleared it now. Woah if I had flunked my final sem I would have been hopping crazy right now! I know what you mean, but it's so bugging to keep listening and listening..people should vent out once in a while

Your poetry is so kickass, totally missed :)

Duuuuude: Yellow! You keep going into these disappearing stints like me I see.
I know right, hate people who can't see beyond their own problems, hearing someone else out for a change never killed anyone. Though hearing people all the time is surely killing me!
I like to think I choose my friends wisely too, but sometimes things people do are not deliberate and even though thye are great people, most can't help themselves, what does one do then?
I know about grades, no mine are good just that I got less than most. ha ha. IT's such a baby thing, I would die before I say this to anyone in person. But what the's bugging me. I'll get over it soon :)
Thank you for the faith dood, appreciate it :) mine keeps shaking with newer developments.

magpie: I knew someone is going to say that! But that's the point na, that I don't crib and today I just need to. You know what, I hate giving advice. I really do, because all that you say is something people already know. It's lame, my way of getting over things is laugh over the sorrow of it all, smoke a spliff and sleep over it. but hell, no one seems to be doing that anymore.

agent green glass said...

oooh. bad day. okay, no advice. just hope things look up. and ya, i agree the damn education system sucks. and you obviously do something pretty well...why else would people keep coming back to read what you write. hugs and all that.

Sayak said...

Holy shit you're pissed off! I know what you mean about it being a bad year. People I care about have fallen dismally ill or have died, my ties to my childhood and freedom seem to be slowly but surely eroding away, I'm faced with the prospects of a dull, mundane, monotonous life and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I haven't felt this helpless in a while now. Bah! Anyway, this comment is the total extent of my crib-o-meter. I'm constitutionally incapable of droning on about my woes in life, so you're never going to have that problem with me. And last sem was the first sem you flunked a subject? I've done it all my life. I flunked 2 exams in the 2nd sem. And lastly I don't think ANYONE is as smart as they think they are and I also think somewhere deep down inside, everyone knows that. So cheer up. You may not be as smart as you thought you were, but life is never as bad as we make it out to be. Listen, I wouldn't be talking to you if I didn't think you were at least my intellectual equal! Heheheheheheheheh! Cheers!

LostLittleGirl said...

Agg:Aw sweet :)

Sayak: lol. I dunno what to say, am so glad I match your standards otherwise it would be another addition to my woeful list! ;) This year has been something else man, we all are getting fucked at some level. I agree with you about delusions about smart quotient totally, but small part of me still hopes that I'll astound myself with my brilliance in the near future. Don't guffaw now!

ani_aset said...

Uh :D :) :D :) :D :D
Cheer up
Nice post...would help this poor soul if you could use some paragraphs

Saltwater Blues said...

I've had bad years, shitty years and ok years. Don't think I've ever had a good year, ever. A good year for me will be when I can afford to buy Vijay Mallya's beach house at Candolim and pick up the phone and tell Priyanka Chopra to come over and give me a massage!

clueless comrades said...

I guess a blog is a better vent than some unwilling soul.

kedar said...

the 8th one. oh! tell me about it. also loved the whiners-who-have-nothing-to-whine-about bit. so bloody true.

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