Thursday, August 20

Ditcher

I've lost count of the number of people I've ditched in my life. It's not something that I do on purpose, but most times, the fact that I won't be able to show up dawns on me late. And I ditched Shantanu a lott. Before he left Delhi, while he was in Delhi, after I reached Bombay. It just happened. Or maybe I didn't put in enough effort, as always. We just joked about it all the time. My shopping, his alcohol dependency. That's what really took him in the end.

Everyone used to tell me how I'll have a certain stillness in my life after my needless rebellion. Which obviously made no sense to any of us, so we stayed awake for 40 hours straight, drank even bong water (once!), experimented, because we are here now, and we won't be at the same place again. Many of us have come out of the madness and made normal lives out of it, but some of them had to pay. Just for the carelessness and not loving our bodies enough. It's not that his death has taught me these things, but knowing someone who dies because of sheer carelessness and of how immature we all really are, is cementing all that I've come to understand lately.

Do I love life more now? No idea. Do I love my friends more? Well I always did, but this surely made me call my namesake brother who also drinks like a fish. He does it because he's bored, and for a girl who left him. It's funny. Maybe tomorrow he'll meet someone he loves even more, and he'd want to live for that. But his immunity will shortchange him. It scares me.

All that we do to ourselves in a million impulses, are we really equipped to handle it when it matures into something else. So many things to be sure of in life...it's madness. I don't know which idiot called it a journey of discovery.

I also don't get people who hoard hospitals in times like these to show solidarity. Sure man. But did you even know this person? What's the point of calling all and sundry announcing things in a singalong voice and then taking space from people who really need to heal, because you want to stand up to your idea of being a good person. God, so many years, and basic things are so rare.

10 comments:

agent green glass said...

gosh. at least someone says it like it is.

ani_aset said...

more willpower ..good honest post

White Magpie said...

all this shit happens when we don't have something to believe in. Was a downer post but happens a lot isnt it?

The Dude said...

basic humanity and a lust for life - the fire that gives value to the discovery and experience itself is lacking in people... thats why normalcy feels safe - you never step out of the circle then.
But if you dont, havent you lost something? its those memories, those experience (like drinking bong water) that will stay with you and give you joy and keep those who are gone alive in our hearts and minds. Alive in a genuine, loving and far deeper way then most people would know.
Be not solely saddened but take lessons about the unpredictability of life from all this, dont give up everything and become just another rodent in the race unless that is what you really want.
Giving into something out of fear is the single worst reason to do anything.
Take care of yourself.
Cheers.

Arthur Quiller Couch said...

I didn't remember you with so much Attitude.
Don't lose it, it's your sanity speaking.

review said...

This is a fantastic, It is glad to see this blog, nice informative blog, Thanks for share this article.


Web Development Karachi

requirebuyer said...

The best gift is often the Abercrombie & Fitch we buy ourselves. Not to be unappreciative, but I love shopping way too much to believe someone (even with Dolce & Gabbana Sunglasseslist in hand) could ever do it as well as I do. When buying for ourselves, shopping can be a high.Franklin and Marshall hoodies I’ll admit I’m addicted, but don’t think I have a problem. Louis Vuitton SaleI know I know, the first step on the road to recovery is to admit you have a problem, but I just don’t see Christian Louboutin Boots that way. I’m content being a shoeaholic, and wouldn’t have it any other way.Vibram Fivefingers Kso

john cena said...

Hi dude, nice post, thanks for sharing....





Also click on these keywords :-- home security alarm | adt texas alarm | alarm system | Americas Ultimate Security |


Walkerdtmn said...

The best gift is often the Abercrombie & Fitch we buy ourselves. Not to be unappreciative, but I love shopping way too much to believe someone (even with Dolce & Gabbana Sunglasses list in hand) could ever do it as well as I do. When buying for ourselves, shopping can be a high. Franklin and Marshall hoodies I’ll admit I’m addicted, but don’t think I have a problem. Louis Vuitton Sale I know I know, the first step on the road to recovery is to admit you have a problem, but I just don’t see Christian Louboutin Boots that way. I’m content being a shoeaholic, and wouldn’t have it any other way. Vibram Fivefingers Kso

Jeremy Donaby said...

The best gift is often the Abercrombie & Fitch we buy ourselves. Not to be unappreciative, but I love shopping way too much to believe someone (even with Dolce & Gabbana Sunglasses list in hand) could ever do it as well as I do. When buying for ourselves, shopping can be a high. Franklin and Marshall hoodies I’ll admit I’m addicted, but don’t think I have a problem. Louis Vuitton Sale I know I know, the first step on the road to recovery is to admit you have a problem, but I just don’t see Christian Louboutin Boots that way. I’m content being a shoeaholic, and wouldn’t have it any other way. Vibram Fivefingers Kso