Cosmo says..

Cosmo says that single women in prime years of their youth are usually depressed and working too hard, hence they feel an emotional void in their bodies. This they compensate by having way too much food. Now I believe Cosmo. Cosmo's my Bible. Because it's finally happening! Life lately is just about food. I need something when I wake up, then I storm around the house making appropriate noises so that the cook gets the 'be quick' message clearly, then for dinner I eat more than what the 2 men in my house eat, and then I fix another dinner, not a 'snack' darlings, while I'm awake at night. And then at times like these, I wait for the Bakery to open which is at 6 30. Fuck. I have never ever eaten so much. Do I have an emotional void??? Barrrrfff. There could be some truth in this argument. No matter how much I try to convince myself that this is all because I don't eat lunch and do so much running around the whole day, such as sitting on my ass and watching sit coms on the laptop, it still feels weird.
Now I can proudly say that I have never asked a man if I look fat in this or that. But I think it's time. Because very soon, I'm going to get very fat. I can see it happening. This girl I knew used to make fun of fat people and then she just bloated up. Now I don't exactly make fun of fat people, but if someone has pissed me off and they are fat, then I won't let him/her forget their body proportions for the next 2 months. Oh god I'm cursed.
Or maybe I just feel hungry because there's usually no food in the house. Now flat mate No 2 drinks every night and hence needs company. So he calls some dumb bakra types to entertain him and those chuts finish off the food. And I wake up to see nothing in the fridge. I do admit it pisses me off but flat mate No 2 is such an easy going guy that it almost feels criminal to lay down my wrath on his simple forms of after dusk pleasures. Now earlier I had it real good because my ex used to rush to the Station freezing his balls off on the trusted Enfield. Now even he's useless because honey, since we aren't doing it anymore, what's the point of all these slave-like errand jobs right? Yes right!
Hmmmmm. Now it doesn't worry me that I'll get fat because it's genetic. I'll be thin forever. But hypothetically, if the laws of genetics tilt against my favour, I'll get fat and ugly by the time I'm 30. And Cosmo also says that women reach their sexual prime when they hit 30. So that means that I won't be my usual aloof I-don't-need-men-and-sex-to-invade-my-space person. So all the people and situations at my rejection table right now will com back to bite me in the ass. Because no one likes a fat and frustrated 30 year old woman unless you're legally supposed to by the laws of matrimony. This sucks. And my personal life experience has taught me if you reject something once, you always want it later and then you don't get it. Always. So this is so going to happen and my life is doomed. But look at the bright side. By that time I'll be rich enough to have waffles and cones everyday for breakfast and can be fat in style.

So cool. The Bakery opens in another 45 minutes....