Thursday, May 3

My father's eyes

It’s my parent’s anniversary today. Some unbelievable number of years. So far, my mother has surprised me by taking the liberty to drown my room in sunshine at some ungodly hour .. just to drink tea together. The sheer sentimentality of the request did not sit too well with me, and as I proceeded to let her know AGAIN of the crazy hours I’m keeping these days and how I never get any sleep and haven’t I told her a million times already about how I detest sunlight on my damned face, she told me. Hmmmmm. So since my mother doesn’t drink, I can’t even take her out to a bar, and kiss the evening goodbye with the choicest of single woman epithets ranging from …’fuck him, who needs a man anyway,we have girl power’, or something equally cathartic.
But my mother is not 25 so we need something drastic to make her think that life indeed rocks. But she’s making it incredibly difficult by crying all day and asking me repeatedly of where exactly she went wrong. And relaying the events of all that happened in our assorted households over the past years. Again and again and again.
The best part of having parents who hate each other is not about being a witness to the ground-breaking events unfolding in front you which put you off the concept of ‘any’ 2 people living together in any circumstance. No sirrreee. What really tops it up is the continuous reminder of those same events for the rest of your adult life, the fact that you’ve been trying to block out images of people being dragged out in the living room with your younger brother’s horrified eyes transfixed on the scene be damned.
I stopped screaming at my mother 2 years back, because I realized that she can’t help but be herself. And that she repeats it so that she can come to terms with it. And that her life is not enough for things to sink in for her, let alone be concerned about me. So even though we last agreed on something ages back, we still stay together and live through days such as these.
My father just called me up to fix up some ‘family dinner’ today. I think this whole compassion quality is certifiably taking over me. I didn’t say what I so badly wanted to say.

9 comments:

Electric Shaman said...

Hmm... sometimes you dont need people to remind you, or what they talk about. Sometimes just being in the same house is enough. I hear voices of fighting when the people i imagine fighting are actually fast asleep!!! No matter what they say they remind me of the past, when they say it its like Oh God!! There they go again. When they dont What bloody Hyocrites!!! I think im going mad :) But maybe im just smart and its just perspective. Cheers to the bitterness that is life :)

InExile said...

in the other house i live in i put thick black curtains so i could sleep during the day too..even the tiniest bit of sunlight ruins the sleep ... now since i am too lazy to buy curtains i put rock n roll posters on my window panes to block light during the day... not to mention i have at least ten of those blindfold thingies they give u in airplanes.... maybe i am the reincarnation of count dracula or somethin ?

LostLittleGirl said...

This is super...I have black curtains in my place in Pune, and Warhol posters on my windows..it's double protection! I hate sunlight even when I'm awake..It's too bludy cheerio.
Hmm. Dracula seems to fit.

shaman: I'm not bitter. I'm over it. Ta da!
I heard that your IIM's are taking up that movie 'Corporate' as course study to know about 'actual' corporate life.First that Bihari buffoon and now this! Ha ha ha. Now suck on that!

The Dude said...

yeah, know whatchu mean about the sunlight... my folks do that to me too often for my liking, but ive given up on tellin em otherwise..

its hard to figure out why people do what they do, we are a strange and confusing species at the best of times... way i see it, in the end we try to live our lives the best we can and do right by those we love as much as we can, but where we draw our lines and why is an individual matter..

cheers...

LostLittleGirl said...

Yes I know dude, but real fun starts when too many of us have blurred lines drawn out for ourselves..
Good to have you back...Thought you'd quit it altogether..:)

The Dude said...

no way on earth id quit on this little one, its too much fun!!!

and as far as the blurred lines go, well too much clarity and orders too boring for my taste..

LostLittleGirl said...

Hmm. See I like blurred lines for myself, but when others do it, it's unacceptable. Hee hee.
We all rally on.. Cheers!

Electric Shaman said...

Direct attack!!! Yaar .. these are what are called "fraud" courses. No padhai.. total aish. I am sure lots of people will take it and write wonderful things about what they "learnt" from the movie. I know I would :-)

jerry said...

It never stops, seems it never will. It gets strange and then stranger. I guess things happen in every family, terrible secrets are revealed, but the degree varies at times. It's never fun. Be good. :)