It’s my parent’s anniversary today. Some unbelievable number of years. So far, my mother has surprised me by taking the liberty to drown my room in sunshine at some ungodly hour .. just to drink tea together. The sheer sentimentality of the request did not sit too well with me, and as I proceeded to let her know AGAIN of the crazy hours I’m keeping these days and how I never get any sleep and haven’t I told her a million times already about how I detest sunlight on my damned face, she told me. Hmmmmm. So since my mother doesn’t drink, I can’t even take her out to a bar, and kiss the evening goodbye with the choicest of single woman epithets ranging from …’fuck him, who needs a man anyway,we have girl power’, or something equally cathartic.
But my mother is not 25 so we need something drastic to make her think that life indeed rocks. But she’s making it incredibly difficult by crying all day and asking me repeatedly of where exactly she went wrong. And relaying the events of all that happened in our assorted households over the past years. Again and again and again.
The best part of having parents who hate each other is not about being a witness to the ground-breaking events unfolding in front you which put you off the concept of ‘any’ 2 people living together in any circumstance. No sirrreee. What really tops it up is the continuous reminder of those same events for the rest of your adult life, the fact that you’ve been trying to block out images of people being dragged out in the living room with your younger brother’s horrified eyes transfixed on the scene be damned.
I stopped screaming at my mother 2 years back, because I realized that she can’t help but be herself. And that she repeats it so that she can come to terms with it. And that her life is not enough for things to sink in for her, let alone be concerned about me. So even though we last agreed on something ages back, we still stay together and live through days such as these.
My father just called me up to fix up some ‘family dinner’ today. I think this whole compassion quality is certifiably taking over me. I didn’t say what I so badly wanted to say.