Wednesday, May 9

Our man Jasbeer

Suddenly Jasbeer got out of the car and started beating up the 'gantleman' in striped blue shirt with ball point pen tucked in the pocket. Self got quite excited thinking... Yeah! THIS is what I miss whenever I'm away from Delhi..people hitting each other on the roads, traffic on halt because of sheer bumbling rage, and everyone bathing in the sheer ordinariness of the ensuing event, some stopping to ruminate on the fight logic, especially if a woman is involved. Bang bang! ... While I merrily messaged my friend that the plan shall be delayed owing to unavoidable circumstances.

The scene went on for some time, that's when self started to ponder on the driving point. Everything happened in such a flash that self couldn't possibly inquire from our man Jasbeer. He finishes his business and sits back on the wheel in a huff.

Me:Tumhe itna paagal hone ki kya zaroorat thi?

j: Madam, Aap samajhti nahin hai. Voh aapko dekh raha tha. ( With noticeable discomfort) Buri tarah se.

Me: ( Shocked beyond belief) Kya??? Abe, Yeh Dilli hai. Yahan sab dekhte hai. Police aa jaati toh?

j: Toh dekh lete madam. In Bihariyon ki maa ki. Aap meri behen jaisi hai.

Me: Waah! Issi baat par tumhe Milds ka pura packet free. Ab gaadi bhagao.

Aw. I'm so touched. How is it that most men in my life would not have risen to such daredevilry? That makes self despair if self has indeed dated wussies on a priority basis. Apparently yes.
All I ever got was those intellectual types who just want to make lurrve and discuss Neruda in al fresco restaurants. They talk of a woman's right to enjoy sex and how she ought to be given all the pleasure. Self lets this sink in and wonders how sexual equality is the single most freedom these metro types seem to understand. And then it's 4 in the morning and we are at Bandstand where a group of men are evidently, feasting on my legs.

Dumbfuck:Let's go from here baby. I would clobber these motherfuckers to death but there are cops here right now.

This classic excuse from poetic man does not surprise me at all. Its, in fact, expected. And then self thanks Delhi for making her acquainted
with the best-of-swears-North-India has to offer from an early age, and proceeds to handle the situation in a characteristically unladylike manner. The persistence of eve teasers being what it is, they dissipated in an instant to look out for alternate objects to peruse.

Dumbfuck:Why did you have to do that baby? There's no point in messing with these creeps.

Me:I absolutely had to sweetheart. Because your mommy didn't feed you any Farex.

Dumbfuck:What??

Me:Nothing.Go Fuck yourself.


So Jasbeer is special for being my knight for today.
Some people think that I say all this because a woman need protection from a man and can't look out for herself. No, my dearies, we don't need any of that bullcrap.
But I, for one, could do without having to deal with so much hypocrisy.

24 comments:

whitelight said...

yeah. like it.

Electric Shaman said...

Yaar.. why do you go to sad places like bandstand at 4:00 am??? Do you like being close to the water that carries the urination of entire Western Bombay!!! Or the three kind of people you find there:
1. 17 year olds who think that just because they wear pants that a slightly higher level of gravity will pull down.. and shades in the night they are the next 50 fucking cents.
2. shady characters
3. the people who like making out in a place that reeks of piss and 17 year olds
Tch Tch.. just goes to show you need to hang out with people who know bombay better (one mother of a hint!!!)
Anyways picking up a fight at 4:00 am isnt a great idea coz that would definitely invite the worst kind of shady characters.. the men in uniform who would stare at you so hard they would burn a hole through you.. or worse pat you down or take you to a police station. Trust me.. getting into a fight for a noble cause feels really good but you gotta be smart enough to know when to fight and when to back off.
P.S: Next time something of this sort happens please call someone who knows cops.
And yeahh.. suck on that my jhansi ki rani!!!

LostLittleGirl said...

Shut up. THIS is the kind of useless man logic I can do without. And anyways, any water body in Mumbai reeks of..er..piss so, I can't change the city so I'll live with what it offers.
So maybe you'd suggest that I ask them to meet me somewhere and then I'll fight them? Yes. That makes a hell lot of sense.
You know I'm starting to seriously disbelieve you Mensa claims...:). You just get dumb and dumber...must be the whole Bong thing...Shaanti shaanti brothers..let's instead read a book or something. Ha ha.

InExile said...

bandstand at 4 am he he he he .. watever bombay seabodies are .. its the sea but marine drive at 4 am is better .. esp after you ar esloshed drunk at jazz !!

you know the fights in delhi are somewhat of a experience... now that i think of it everytime i got in a fist fight was in delhi ... u know there are times when fights have to be picked !

esp. if somebody is staring non stop at my girlfriend's tits !i mean the guys might outnumber you and shit but more than to impress the girl the fights have to be picked for yourself and self pride issues.. there's nothing like a good fight .. it's not really about winning or getting the girl to wipe your wounds... in fact if the girl leaves you after the fights it's adding salt to the wounds he he

but anyways there are fights and there are wussies ...

LostLittleGirl said...

Eggjactly exile! It's all about the sea, not here or there, although I do admit that Marine Drive is way better..but well..I just wanted to hear the ocean and went to the closest place...

Hmm. What I find hilarious is how I leave a man after he doesn't fight for me, and your girlfriend leaves you when you fight for her...so, Men are eternally fucked. hehe

Very good exile..little girl mighty proud of your thoughts, Isi baat par tumhe bhi milds ka packet free!

moonstruck maniac said...

yes, sometimes a fight has to be picked up. There is no point lettin' a motherfucker go; aah the old streetfighter speaks with nostalgia. though one thing i liked about the past, none of the girls i picked up a fight for, or in front of, ever walked out.

Electric Shaman said...

darling you questioned the wrong thing... instead of my mensa brains :P (dunno how that matters), you shouldve questioned my testerone levels or something. in any case ive been involved with all this shit for the past 10 years in my life.. yeah well dating and getting into brawls seem to have a direct corelation. but after all this nonsense i have realised that a couple of phone calls do a LOT MORE damage than a couple of bloody noses

Electric Shaman said...

ergo your man (haha!!!) shouldve just called the bloody dcp or something.. even a local paandu would help if he is on your side!

antickpix said...

as a self-proclaimed pansy, i agree completely.

antickpix said...

and damn, after reading your comments section, i'm shrinking into my seat at the thought of my unmanly-nature. honestly, is pacifism dead?

hehe.

InExile said...

this comment thread is too funny !!! he he

no milds pls !! gimme good old regulars !

p.s. i play a concert in your city littleone !

LostLittleGirl said...

Shaman: Sweeetheart, No pandu can do what my 2 inch heel can do. Do people like you even realize the extent of power a bludy constable has? ..Which is basically nothing..nada!
And yes, the man was a chut, and that is why I haven't written too favorably about him. And seriously, like..What,my friend ,are YOU doing in Mumbai? Since you believe in taking the world on with just a phone call to the right person, you belong in Dilli, I say! As I told you last night, it's great to fight if you have the dcp talking for you, but I'm certainly not going to cower down if I have to stand up for myself alone.. with no CONTACTS...ha ha.

Moonstruck: You say it! I know, college and Delhi is synonymous with drunken brawls, but I love that phase too. You're lucky to have good women then:)..I really hate the types who run off while the guy is getting involved.

antickpix: ha ha. Don't worry, all kinds make up this world.As long you get the job done by a stellar phone contact list, me sure no one will doubt your manhood. Er..I'm guessing all the violent ones are on this page? :)

exile: Oh regulars. Nice.
And what are you saying? Where and when? Maybe I'll reach there surreptitiously and then proceed to write a blog post about it. Ha ha
No seriously. When?

SwB said...

There is another side to it ... sometimes its better to walk away. Because if there is one thing fighting ruffians on the streets around my house ever since i was kid has taught me is that you must never underestimate your opponent.

And when youre with a girl it becomes all the more dicey. I wonder if Jasbeer would have been as brave if it was a gang of rowdies instead of one gantleman in pin striped blue shirt - probably not. Would you have called him a wussie then?

InExile said...

you are pune..right ?

LostLittleGirl said...

swb: Well no, because I don't expect anyone to get bloodied up for me. All this seemed the only way when I was in school, but not anymore. I agree with the whole walking away thing... but my point was restricted to times when you just do not want to tolerate it...irrespective of the opponent being a gang of an individual.
Sometimes you don't weigh everything...I just prefer those people..

Exile: Well right now I'm in Delhi..usually I'm in Pune..don't tell me!

InExile said...

i just played in delhi a while back !!
interestingly i am landing up in pune now !

LostLittleGirl said...

That sucks then:( .. So I suggest that you load it up on youtube and I watch..hehe
So what do you play?

InExile said...

more often than not .... the fool !

LostLittleGirl said...

Hmmm.Interesting. That's even better than what I was thinking. Ha ha

InExile said...

you thot .... the girls or the ass ?!! he he

LostLittleGirl said...

I'l tell you when I see you play it...the girls OR the ass

InExile said...

reminds me of that gn'r song... one in a million !

jerry said...

hey you're tagged!

life_as_a_box said...

Gawd ur comment pages are the most fun EVER. And this Jasbeer blog post was my favourite by far, BY FAR...!!! It's so you, matlab it's YOU talking, you just jump off the page...:D :D...Keep up the good work!! And I know u're all enthu bout distributing free smokes...jst don't give away mine!! ;p